Men hate to lose at anything. Vince Lombardi said, Men, winning isn’t everything. It’s the only thing. As we continue our series on the life of David we examine how David lost a battle that brought devastation into his own life and great suffering to his family.
On one occasion a bird watcher spotted a golden eagle. Locking his binoculars on it he watched as the magnificent creature soared in majesty—nothing but regal eloquence in flight, climbing, gliding, soaring higher and higher almost effortlessly. Such a sight is a great analogy for the early years of King David’s life, as he climbed from the place of lowly shepherd boy to the heights of national leadership as king. In thirty years, David experienced unparalleled success as he rose to power. No king of Israel would ever be as well loved by the people, as victorious in battle, or as faithful to the Lord.
But as our ornithologist continued to watch the golden eagle’s flight, something went terribly wrong. The majestic creature stopped soaring higher and then began a sudden plumet. Moments later it lay dead on the ground. Bewildered, the observer found his way to the lifeless mass, wondering what had happened. As he examined the eagle, he discovered the answer. Still curled up in its talons was a weasel, no doubt the prey that the eagle was expecting to provide it the pleasure of a meal. But as the weasel was drawn close to the big bird’s body for flight, it had managed to sink its teeth into the breast of the eagle sending the majestic creature crashing to earth. 2 Samuel 11 is the chapter that records the deadly bite of the weasel in David’s life. What he expected, as he drew Bathsheba to his body, was a feast of pleasure. What he got in the end was a deadly wound that sent him crashing downward. David was taken down by temptation, specifically by sexual lust. Let’s look at how lust defeated him.
In the spring of the year, the time when kings go out to battle, David sent Joab, and his servants with him, and all Israel. And they ravaged the Ammonites and besieged Rabbah. But David remained at Jerusalem. It happened, late one afternoon, when David arose from his couch and was walking on the roof of the king's house, that he saw from the roof a woman bathing; and the woman was very beautiful. And David sent and inquired about the woman. And one said, “Is not this Bathsheba, the daughter of Eliam, the wife of Uriah the Hittite?” So David sent messengers and took her, and she came to him, and he lay with her. (Now she had been purifying herself from her uncleanness.) Then she returned to her house. And the woman conceived, and she sent and told David, “I am pregnant” (2 Sam 11:1-5). Let’s make some observations:
1. David had been sowing the seeds for this kind of defeat for years. Back in 2 Sam 5:13, we read, And David took more wives and concubines from Jerusalem, after he came from Hebron, and more sons and daughters were born to David. David had placed himself above God’s law as an exception to God’s design of marriage between one man and one woman. Ever since David took a second wife, he had been violating Dt 17:15-17, You may indeed set a king over you whom the Lord your God will choose.…he shall not acquire many wives for himself. The man who saw Bathsheba naked from a roof had never leaned to say “no” to his sexual appetite.
We might think that if any man in Israel should be able to turn away from the temptation to have sex with another man’s wife, it would be David. With multiple wives and concubines his sex drive had to be sated, right? But that is not how lust works. God seems to have designed sex so that satisfying our sexual desires sinfully inflames our illicit sexual desire, making it harder to resist temptation next time. The more we indulge our sexual appetite in the wrong way, the stronger that appetite becomes. Applying this principle to the use of porn, Jerry Kirk writes,
"At the University of California, Irvine, Dr. James L. McGaugh has conducted research suggesting that memories of experiences that occurred at times of sexual arousal are difficult to erase. Thus powerful, sexual memories keep reappearing on his mind’s memory screen—stimulating and arousing him. Every time he masturbates to those fantasies, he is like one of Pavlov’s dogs, rewarded by his orgasm, which reinforces the memory" (How Pornography Harms).
So, the first truth from David’s example is that losing the battle with lust today strengthens lust for its next battle with me, tomorrow. By NOT winning the battle with illicit cravings NOW, but giving in, I guarantee a harder battle with illicit cravings IN THE FUTURE. The only alternative to sexual self-control is increasingly out-of-control sexual cravings.
2. When the temptation struck, David had no Jonathan in his life. Jonathan had been killed years before on Mt Gilboa. David, like most powerful leaders, had no one in his life watching his back. He had no one sit him down years before this incident with Bathsheba and say, “David your military success is great, but what about Deuteronomy 17:16, which says clearly that Israel’s kings must not have more than one wife. What are you doing, thinking about taking a second wife?” And when David sent Joab out to lead the army in his place, no one said, “I know you are getting older, but when a king sends warriors out to battle, they need their king leading the way.” When it comes to battling lust in the twenty-first century, the stakes are too high, the battle too fierce, the enemy too wily, the attacks too frequent, the cost of defeat too severe for any Christian man to fight his spiritual battles alone—yet many are trying to do so. The second observation from David’s example is that David had no one watching his back. Do you?
3. When temptation struck, David was not where he should have been. That fact is certainly emphasized as this story begins, In the spring of the year, the time when kings go out to battle, David stayed at home. David’s loyal soldiers lay on rocky ground inside a tent; David was taking a nap in his luxurious palatial bedroom. David’s men left the comforts of home for the hardship of war; David left the hardship of the war he instigated to enjoy the pleasures of home including his harem. David’s men fought till they had no energy left; David slept till he was bored. David was in the perfect situation to fall to the pull of lust. When Jesus taught us to pray, “lead us not into temptation” he was teaching us that it is wise to think through the situations that bring us temptation. Over the years, I compiled this list for the battle with lust.
OUTER Conditions When the Craving for Illicit Sexual Pleasure Is Most Appealing
- Something sexually stimulating crosses your path. (Can’t do much about this).
- You are alone with the opportunity to pursue illicit sexual pleasure. Your wife is gone for the weekend and porn sites pull on your desires.
- You are far away from anyone who would know about your little private pleasure excursion. I knew a man away on a business trip who drank too much and had a one-night stand with a woman from work. He lost his entire family because his wife divorced him and got custody of the kids.
- It is the middle of the night, and you can’t sleep.
- You are in a situation that has a past association with sexual pleasure.
INNER Conditions When the Craving for Illicit Sexual Pleasure Is Most Appealing
- Your emotional tank is on “E.” Pleasure replenishes the emotional tank.
- Boredom—sexual stimulation gets the heart beating.
- Anger—perhaps towards wife who is repeatedly sending “busy” signals.
- Discouragement—bad feelings cause a yearning for pleasure (good feelings).
So, our third observation in contrast to David’s example is to be alert to situations where temptation might strike, so we can avoid them or anticipate the temptations they could bring.
4. David notices naked Bathsheba and continues to feast his eyes on her. Archibald Hart describes the male sex, drive, Strong, urgent, forceful, and impatient, the sex drive dominates the mind and body of every healthy male. Strong sexual feelings are common to all normal men. They are determined more by hormones than by evil desire (The Sexual Man). The blunt truth is that because of David’s multiple wives and concubines, David had been feasting his eyes on lots of naked women; why should Bathsheba be any different? Unlike the godlier Job, David did not bounce his eyes away from the scene of this exposed woman. He did not protect her dignity. Job 31:1 tells us that Job made a covenant with his eyes not to look lustfully at a young woman. This discipline of bouncing our eyes away from half dressed women is vital for two reasons. 1) If I gawk at sexually provocative images, it trains my daughters to think that what gets a man’s attention is dressing provocatively. 2) Continuing to gaze, as David did, opens the door to lust. The best strategy for defeating lust is beating it when it is furthest from my heart—at the beginning, when it just requires bouncing my eyes, before my sexual engine starts revving up. This, of course, is what David did not do.
5. David’s sexual desires are ignited. The more David watches, the more the weasel sinks its teeth into David’s flesh. I’m reminded of James’s description of temptation, Each one is tempted when he is carried away and enticed by his own lust. Then when lust has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it has run its course, brings forth death. (1:14). The word for lust is EPITHUMIA, which means, literally, over-desire, or run-away desire. We associate lust mainly with intense sexual desire, but the word means any kind of intense desire. What James is saying is, each one of you is tempted after your normal desire becomes run- away desire, which then entices you to sin. It is a normal desire to want to have order in your home, but when that desire becomes a run-away desire causing you to explode at your kids because they made a mess, you sin. The fruit in the garden of Eden was desirable to Eve, but when her desire for it became run-away desire, she sinned. Any red-blooded man would have been attracted to Bathsheba’s beautiful body, but David’s continued look enabled Satan to fan the embers of God-given sexual desire into blazing run-away desire.
Dietrick Bonhoeffer writes: "In our members, there is a slumbering inclination toward desire, which is both sudden, and fierce. With irresistible power, desire seizes mastery of the flesh. All at once, a secret, smoldering fire is kindled. The flesh burns and is in flames. It makes no difference whether it is sexual desire, or ambition, or vanity, or revenge, or love of fame or power, or greed for money" (Temptation). Temptation begins by stoking sexual desire into out-of-control lust.
6. Temptation provides the OPPORTUNITY to satisfy the desire UNRIGHTEOUSLY. Notice the opportunities: 1) Uriah, Bathsheba’s husband was away. 2) The text implies that her bathing was ritual bathing marking the end of her period—so David knew she wasn’t having her period, 3) He could easily find her through his servants. 4) His status as King enabled him to require her to come to his palace. 5) Only a few servants would have to keep this secret since the palace was relatively deserted. Back in James 1:15, we read, after lust has conceived, it gives birth to sin. Lust is conceived by the sperm of intense desire meeting the egg of opportunity. David chooses to step across the line of the moral law giving birth to sin. Again, Bonhoeffer describes the process. "At this moment, God is quite unreal to us…The devil doesn’t fill us with hatred of God but with forgetfulness of God. The lust thus aroused envelops the mind and the will of man in deepest darkness. The powers of clear discrimination and decision are taken from us. It is here that everything within me rises up against the Word of God." (Temptation).
When the craving for sexual gratification is ignited and there is opportunity for sexual sin, there is only one alternative: FLEE. Joseph flees from the seductions of Potiphar’s wife. Paul writes to the Corinthians, Flee fornication (1 Cor 6:8), and to Timothy, Flee youthful lusts. But David doesn’t do that. His run-away desire for Bathsheba is controlling him. He asks about her and even, when he discovers that Bathsheba is the wife of Uriah, one of his thirty Mighty Men, the most courageous and loyal men in the nation, it makes no difference. The weasel’s deadly teeth are squeezing tighter. David must have her. And so, he does.
7. David seems to get away with his sin, but he does not. One of the deadliest parts of sin is that its destructive consequences almost never happen immediately. David thinks he’s gotten away with it, but Bathsheba gets pregnant. It has to be his baby, since she had just finished her period. He schemes to bring Uriah home to sleep with his wife, so everyone thinks it’s his. Let’s pick up the story there,
When Uriah came to him, David asked how Joab was doing and how the people were doing and how the war was going. Then David said to Uriah, “Go down to your house and wash your feet.” And Uriah went out of the king's house, and there followed him a present from the king. But Uriah slept at the door of the king's house with all the servants of his lord and did not go down to his house. When they told David, “Uriah did not go down to his house,” David said to Uriah, “Have you not come from a journey? Why did you not go down to your house?” Uriah said to David, “The ark and Israel and Judah dwell in booths, and my lord Joab and the servants of my lord are camping in the open field. Shall I then go to my house, to eat and to drink and to lie with my wife? (2 Sam 11:7-11).
Can you imagine the dagger of guilt that must have pierced David’s heart at that moment? Out of unwavering allegiance to David, Israel’s army, and Israel’s God, Uriah would not go near his own wife. This picture could not contrast more sharply with David’s lust, contempt for God and his law, scorn for his troops, and betrayal of Uriah the pilar of loyalty to David, in taking URIAH’s wife. What more could God do to open David’s eyes to his sin than to show him this stark contrast? But David’s heart was so hardened by sin, that instead of falling to his knees and begging his loyal subject’s forgiveness, he ends up deciding to murder him! I want to tell you, when I think of this conversation, and see the way sin blinded David’s conscience, IT TERRIFIES ME. David doesn’t get away with his sin. His sin hardened his heart so much that he murders one of the most loyal, faithful men in Israel.
TAKE-AWAYS FOR US FROM DAVID’S FAILURE
A) We need to hate evil and maybe FEAR it. Paul commands the Romans, Abhor evil (12:9). He warns the Galatians, Do not be deceived: God is not mocked, for whatever one sows, that will he also reap. For the one who sows to his own flesh will from the flesh reap corruption, but the one who sows to the Spirit will from the Spirit reap life that continues forever (6:7-8). The pain that David caused himself and others would take three or four podcasts to cover; it was enormous. One of his sons rapes one of his daughters, another son murders that brother—it was awful. I want to tell you; the reason I have an accountability partner and some of the men I know have accountability partners is FEAR, in particular FEAR of LUST. We KNOW it can take us down IN AN INSTANT, crushing those we love, and bringing shame on the name of the One who died for us.
B) When we must say “No” to our sexual appetite because we are single or are married to a wife who is sending busy signals, we need to put an end to the childish thought that God’s laws about fulfilling our cravings are unfair. Listen to the grieving heart of God because David did not trust him enough to obey him. After citing all that he had done for David, God says AND IF THIS WERE TOO LITTLE, I WOULD ADD TO YOU AS MUCH MORE. Why have you despised the word of the Lord, to do what is evil in his sight? (2 Sam 12:7-8). God’s heart as our father is to lavish us with good gifts. The truth is that God wants married husbands and wives to be drunk on sexual love for each other (Prov 3:19). So, what do you do when your sex drive craves sex 3 times a week and she wants sex once a month? The answer is NOT what some Christian counselors say, “Suck it up you don’t need sex.” According to the Word of God a thriving sex life is part of a flourishing marriage. And God’s design is for each spouse to give to his spouse the gift of his or her body for the mate’s enjoyment. But what if that isn’t happening?
TRUST GOD. He knows about the mismatch. In a fallen world nothing is perfect in marriage. But God is in the business of moving what is broken, selfish, and a source of conflict towards healing and restoration and fulfillment. Trust God and ask him to move the sexual part of your marriage towards his design for fulfillment. Then watch what he does!
C) King David was that soaring golden eagle, the best Israel had to offer. But the best king broke four of the ten commandments in just this one story: You shall not covet your neighbor’s wife (10th), you shall not commit adultery (7th), you shall not steal (8th), you shall not murder (6th). The primary lesson of the story of David and Bathsheba is that sin is too strong for any human, even a man after God’s own heart. ONLY JESUS can defeat sin. This is a liberating truth, because it gives us the courage to bring our struggles with lust into the open. God never intended any man to fight his spiritual battles alone. To do so is TO LOSE THEM. Joe Dallas says, "Sexual sin thrives in the dark. If you’re caught up in any sexual vice, one thing is certain; the secrecy surrounding your behavior is what strengthens its hold on you. However ashamed you may feel about admitting your problem to another person, the reality is this: YOU CAN’T OVERCOME THIS ON YOUR OWN. IF YOU COULD, WOULDN’T YOU HAVE DONE SO BY NOW?" (Every Man’s Battle Workshop).
D) We must let failure drive us towards Christ and not away from him. After being confronted by Nathan, and told that God forgave him, David took his failure to God writing Psalm 51. One of the names of Satan is “The Accuser of the Brothers” because he wants to heap shame upon us because of our sin—especially sexual ones. Don’t let him get away with that! A veteran warrior in the battle with lust points out:
"It isn’t the sinless man who makes it to the end; rather, it’s the man who’s learned to pick himself up after he stumbles. If your struggle seems relentless, remember this; when you commit yourself to sexual integrity, you commit yourself to a DIRECTION, not to PERFECTION. You may stumble along the way—that’s no justification for sin, just a realistic view of life in this fallen world. What determines the success or failure of an imperfect man is his willingness to pick himself up, confess his fault, and continue in the direction he committed himself to. Remember Paul’s approach: 'Forgetting those things that are behind, I press on towards the mark of the high calling'" (Ibid).
For Further Prayerful Thought:
- How is the story of the weasel taking down the eagle similar to lust’s takedown of David?
- What are the outer conditions and inner conditions when sinful sexual lust is most appealing to you?
- How would you summarize the price tag of David’s sexual sin?
- How is David an example of letting his failure drive him TO God and not AWAY from God. (You might want to look at Psalm 51—written after David was confronted by Nathan.)
