God’s chosen people were, from the beginning, called to be a blessing to all the other people of the world. In God’s first call to Abraham, he had said, “I will make of you a great nation, and I will bless you and make your name great, SO THAT YOU WILL BE A BLESSING…IN YOU ALL THE FAMILIES OF THE EARTH shall be blessed ” (Gen 12:3). God gave to his people special revelation, Scripture, which is so full of wisdom that it is more precious than gold. In Genesis 2 God goes to great lengths to enlighten us about how he went about creating man and woman so differently. As Christ-followers you and I have been chosen to be the stewards of a great treasure—truth about his design of male and female. At this cultural moment this great truth is under assault. This series is entitled Reconstructing Manhood and Womanhood in a Culture Where They Are Broken. This episode examines this great treasure so that we can better share it with those whose view of gender is fractured.
As we’ve seen in other episodes, gender theory influencers throughout our culture are promoting a fractured view of personhood called The Gender Unicorn that distinguishes and separates five aspects of our human sexuality a) biological sex, b) emotional romantic attraction, c) sexual orientation, d) gender identity, and e) gender role. At the core of this deadly deception about sexual personhood is the right to autonomy—the belief that every human must be free to choose all five.
Unlike secularists, Bible-believing Christians see a fundamental unity in the original binary design of each sex. One’s body, romantic desires, sexual attraction, gender identity, and gender role form a unified whole as either a man or woman. In keeping with this fundamental design of our Creator, each is given opposite sex attraction and assigned complementary roles in marriage, in the home, and in the church. Unfortunately, a whole group of Christians has abandoned God’s revelation about gender roles. They are called egalitarians. The Gospel Coalition, which tries to be as inclusive as it can, rejects this teaching of egalitarianism, as Tim Keller explained, because of the way it treats Paul’s teaching as culturally determined and not God’s Word. Since egalitarians have bent Scripture to deny gender roles in the CHURCH because they want to fit into an egalitarian Western culture, it should not surprise us that egalitarians have now abandoned the even clearer teaching of gender roles in the HOME. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands (Eph 5:23-24). There is no ambguity in this clear command.
Reconstructing manhood and womanhood in a culture where they are broken requires us to embrace God’s created design of male and female to complete each other. The word that describes this view is complementarianism—from the term complementary. Adam and Eve are designed to complete what is lacking in the other and thus have different roles in the home and church. In their book, The Grand Design, Owen Strachan and Gavin Peacock explain this term.
“Complementarity (is) the way in which men and women find happiness in owning their God-given identity and filling their God-given roles. Equal in dignity and worth, men and women share much in terms of Christian discipleship. But we are not the same. Unlike what egalitarianism would argue, men and women have different roles to play in life. We cannot agree with the idea that men and women alike lead in the home and church, as our egalitarian friends would say. The gospel of grace does not erase sexual difference and role distinctions: the gospel actually opens our eyes to savor divine design and our God-formed responsibilities.”
THE MASCULINE DESIGN
A. Adam is placed in the garden to cause it and its inhabitants to flourish.
In Genesis 2:15 we are told that Adam is placed in the garden to work it (ESV). The Hebrew word for “work it” is AVAD, which is also translated cultivate (NASB). It means to make fruitful, to cause to flourish, to build, and to shape. Adam is to make the garden (which includes its inhabitants) fruitful—to provide what the garden needs to thrive, to help it and its inhabitants reach their full potential. This core concept of masculinity is spending our lives (energy and time) to help others develop to their fullest potential. We sacrifice our greatest assets, time, energy, and sweat so that the garden (or civilization) as well as our wives and children (also in the garden) flourish physically, emotionally, and spiritually.
B. Adam is placed into the garden to protect it.
Genesis 2:15 continues, The LORD God took the man and put him in the garden of Eden to work it and “keep it”. The Hebrew word is SHAMAR, which also means to guard, watch-over, and protect. Rick Phillips writes, “This calling to keep rounds out the Masculine Mandate of the Bible. A man is not only to wield the plow but also to bear the sword. Being God’s deputy lord in the garden, Adam was not only to make it fruitful but to keep it safe. (The Masculine Mandate). The ESV Study Bible points out: “The man’s role is to be not only a gardener but also a guardian. As a priest, he is to maintain the sanctity of the garden.” Adam was standing right next to Eve when she was tempted. He should have protected the garden temple. “Adam’s sin was both an act of conscious rebellion against God and a failure to carry out his divinely ordained responsibility to guard or ‘keep’ (Gen. 2:15) both the garden and the woman.” Are you protecting your children and grandchildren from the voice of the Evil One whispering “the biblical view of gender roles is oppressive and outdated. Egalitarianism is better!” Satan was the first egalitarian!
C. A man Is called to leave his home to pursue his wife.
As Genesis 2 continues and God reveals his portrait of marriage, we see the universal principle that when it comes to the dance of man with woman, the man is the initiator. Therefore, a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. (Gen. 2:24). The man is the one who leaves his father and mother to find and pursue her. He asks her to dance. When we combine Genesis 2:24 with New Testament teaching for husbands to love their wives as Christ loves the church, we see three parts to this leadership.
- The man takes the initiative to pursue the woman. Jesus, leaves his place in heaven, comes into the world to sacrifice himself for his bride at the cross, and then draws her to himself with the cords of love. Jesus initiates, we respond. We belong to him because he pursued us.
- The man leads by giving her his love. Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her (Eph. 5:25). The Greek word for love is agape, which describes, sacrificial, loyal, fierce, undeterred devotion. This is the call to manhood—the sacrifice of ourselves for others.
- The man leads in their partnership. His leadership role is made explicit by naming her. The biblical concept of marriage is interdependence—needing each other to be complete. Adam and Eve’s roles, however, are not interchangeable.
D. Men are called to inner strength. Wise parents understand that a boy is hardwired to want to prove he is strong. The biblical writers understood this characteristic of males, repeatedly challenging them to be strong.
- King David on his death bed to Solomon: I am about to go the way of all the earth. Be strong, and show yourself a man, and keep the charge of the Lord your God, walking in his ways and keeping his statutes… that you may prosper in all that you do and wherever you turn… (1 Kings 2:2-3).
- At the close of Paul’s letter to the church at Corinth he wrote, Be watchful, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong (1 Cor 16:13).
- The Apostle John praises the young men for their strength. I write to you, young men because you are strong, and the word of God abides in you, and you have overcome the evil one (1 John 2:14b).
THE FEMININE DESIGN
It is important to remember that God first tells us that male and female are fully equal in chapter 1 of Genesis—both fully bearing God’s image, and both commanded to be fruitful by having children and exercising dominion over creation. Then, in Genesis 2, he reveals Adam’s and Eve’s profound differences.
A. Eve is created to be Adam’s partner. Then the LORD God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.” Adam was not created as a helper for Eve. Their roles are not interchangeable. Adam needed a helper (Hebrew: EZER) to complete the commission to be fruitful and multiply and rule over the creation. It is tragic that when scholars translate EZER, it comes out sounding like someone whose job is sweeping the floors or doing dishes—an unskilled, lowly helper. No wonder Christian daughters are rejecting biblical gender roles. But this is a wrong view of what this verse actually teaches. EZER really means powerful partner. It is frequently used in the Old Testament for God. Psalm 33:20 says, Our soul waits for the Lord; he is our HELP and our shield. Men are created to be inadequate. We need women to cover our deficiencies just as we sometimes lean on God for his help. Woman is designed perfectly for that task. EZER does not imply inferiority but competancy. Women partner better than men
B. The essence of femininity is to be a giver of life, a nurturer. The man called his wife’s name, Eve, because she was the mother of all living (Gen. 3:20). “Eve” sounds like Hebrew for life-giver and resembles the word for living. Adam is given Eve as his partner not only to help him fulfill the cultural mandate but to help him be fruitful and multiply, to fill the earth with little image bearers of God. Strachan and Peacock observe “For their part, women are life-givers. Women give physical life to humanity, a task so great and so significant that it cannot be quantified. God has highly esteemed women by making the survival of humanity hang on their care and nurture” (Ibid). Since creation matters so much to God, we might expect the woman’s physical body to give clues to femininity. She is designed to receive her husband and surround him with love. Her breasts are made to nurture, and her life-giving womb nourishes and surrounds her developing child. These suggest that the call of femininity is to provide life-giving nurture. The love of a male calls him to help his family flourish by providing whatever they need from the garden. A woman’s love is giving herself—surrounding loved ones with her personal attention and care.
C. She is designed to be a specialist at exercising dominion over her home.
Proverbs 31:10-31 is an astounding portion of the wisdom literature of the Bible. In almost every culture of the ancient near east but Israel, women were demeaned and oppressed as sexual objects, the spoils of war. But this great wisdom book ends with a portrait of excellent WOMANHOOD. Who would have thought! The poem begins and ends declaring a woman's excellence. Here are just a few facets of the precious jewel that is a virtuous woman:
An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She seeks wool and flax, and works with willing hands. She is like the ships of the merchant; she brings her food from afar. She rises while it is yet night and provides food for her household and portions for her maidens. She considers a field and buys it; with the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard…..She is not afraid of snow for her household, for all her household are clothed in scarlet.
D. Women are called to inner beauty. As Scripture calls men to character strength, it calls women to character beauty. Peter's words are: Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear—but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a meek and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious (1 Pet. 3:3-4). God designed males to initiate, lead, and rule. Their glorious complement, females, are made to be joint-heirs, full partners with them—but who welcome their husbands’ leadership. At the core of this womanly meekness is surrender to the Lord. Writing to her daughter on Christian womanhood, Elisabeth Elliot says, “The fact that I am a Christian makes me a different kind of woman. For I have accepted God’s idea of me, and my whole life is an offering back to Him of all that I am and all that he wants me to be” (Let Me Be A Woman).
Besides meekness, Peter calls Christian women to have a quiet spirit. She is to pursue inner peace, a restful confidence in God’s sovereignty and goodness. Dr. Ken Coffield, one of my RTS Orlando Biblical Counseling professors, taught us, “In counseling, men typically are passive—they need to get moving. In contrast, women are often restless, moving too much—they need to relax and trust God to work.” Peter calls women to wisely devote themselves to a beauty that age can never take away and that pleases their primary lover, God—the imperishable beauty of a meek and quiet spirit.
INSPIRING GODLY MASCULINITY AND FEMININITY IN OUR KIDS
In Paul’s mind, fathers encourage. He said to the church at Thessalonica, For you know how, like a father with his children, we exhorted each one of you and encouraged you and charged you… (1 Thes. 2:11-12a). Here are some questions to ask yourself about your child or grandchild. It would be invaluable for you to invite your wife to join you for this exercise. The answers provide the data for praising him or her. You can then draw from this stockpile of “verbal vitamins” to strengthen your child’s sexual self-esteem.
Affirming Your Son's Masculinity
A. Adam is placed in the garden to cause it and its inhabitants to flourish.
- In what ways do you see your son being a servant who wants to help others prosper?
- How do you see him caring well for things and people entrusted to him?
- How do you see him wanting to build, shape, or order his surroundings?
B. Adam is placed into the garden to protect it.
- In what ways does your son show courage?
- How do you see him trying to protect those around him?
- In what ways do you see him having a warrior’s heart?
- How can you bring out his instinct to protect and defend those who can’t care for themselves?
C. A man is called to leave his home to pursue his wife.
- How do you see your son taking initiative in general?
- In what ways do you see him making sacrifices for someone else?
- What are some examples of your son being generous?
- Do you see ways your son is thoughtful of others’ needs?
- How is he treating his sister(s) and mother with respect?
D. Men are called to inner strength.
- How do you see your son demonstrating inner strength?
- How have you seen your son show determination to be faithful to God?
- In what ways does he show determination to be obedient to God’s Word?
- How have you seen him demonstrating strong faith?
- In what ways do you see your son’s loyalty to Jesus, his Commander in Chief?
Affirming Your Daughter’s Femininity
A. God reveals his purpose for Eve: being a powerful partner.
- Are you sure that the biblical teaching of complementarianism has not caused her in any way to feel inferior to males? If so tear down that idea.
- What are your daughter’s greatest strengths?
- What other traits do you see in your daughter that would enable her to be a great “right hand woman” to someone in a leadership role?
- In what ways do you see your daughter helping others succeed?
- What are some examples of your daughter demonstrating loyalty to her friends or family members?
B. The essence of femininity is to be a giver of life, a nurturer.
- In what ways do you see your daughter unselfishly caring for others?
- In what ways do you see her ability to nurture others coming out?
- How does she support other people?
- Give examples of ways you’ve seen her encourage others.
C. A virtuous woman is a specialist at exercising dominion over her home. Read over the portrait of the virtuous woman in Proverbs 31:10-31. Ask yourself what these virtuous traits look like in the twenty-first century. Then put a star next to the attributes that describe your daughter and a double star next to those that are her strongest. Find an opportunity to praise her for these virtues.
D. She is called to inner beauty.
- In what ways do you see your daughter responding to God the way Mary the mother of Jesus did—I am yours. Do with me what you will?
- Have you seen her quietly trust the Lord with some hard things?
- In what ways have you seen your daughter overcome worry with her faith?
- What are some of your daughter’s other character traits that make her beautiful on the inside?
Confusing, destructive messages about gender from the social media find their way into our children’s souls every day, tearing down healthy sexual self-understanding and esteem. They need that damaged foundation rebuilt with words from you that motivate them towards confident, godly, manhood or womanhood.
For Further Prayerful Thought.
- Egalitarians believe that man and woman being equal means that one gender can’t be the leaders in the home and church. How does God’s description in Genesis 1 and 2 of his creation design of male and female to refute egalitarianism, let alone the NT teaching.
- What stood out to you about God’s design of masculinity?
- Are there some ways you can use your influence with boys or other men to steer them towards godly manhood?
- What stood out to you about God’s design of femininity? How do you see false worldviews undermining God’s glorious design?
- How can you affirm the godly femininity of the girls and women around you?
