Our focus in this blog podcast is always on our mission, i.e. how to honor Christ with our lives. We often say, “We are called TO Christ, to enjoy a love relationship with him, we are called TO BE LIKE Christ—we just completed a four-week series looking at the first four Christ-like attitudes of the Sermon on the Mount—and we are called TO EXERCISE DOMINION OVER EVERY SPHERE OF OUR LIVES FOR Christ. This third part of our mission is rooted in the creation mandate, Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it, and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over every living thing that moves on the earth (Gen 1:28). If Adam is to bear God’s image, he must be a king and have a kingdom to rule over. So, God gives him the earth to subdue. But, if he is to truly image God, Adam must rule this glorious creation righteously. One of the most fabulous, magnificent parts of creation is sexuality and sexual desire. This episode focuses on understanding our sexual desire, so that we can enjoy it and rule it for Christ. We want to make 5 observations about the male sex drive:
1. THE MALE SEX DRIVE IS GODS GIFT TO US. I realize that sometimes serious Christian single men are extremely frustrated with a strong sex drive that causes them to experience major struggles with lust. Married guys, surprisingly, sometimes express the same frustration. Sadly, after several years of marriage, wives often complain about the strength of their husband’s sex drive, “You don’t love me, you just want sex.” Our wives don’t understand our sex drive because it is so unlike their own. Although men can have a bloated sex drive by continual surrender to lust, a negative view of the strong sex drive God place into men is heretical. The chief obstacle to a low view of the male sex drive is the Bible. For a biblical perspective we need to start with the design and purpose of marriage.
A. Scripture reveals that one of the purposes of the male-female union in marriage is to reflect the image of God. Man cannot fully bear God’s image in isolation. God exists as the Trinity, the union of three persons. Notice the interplay of the singular and plural in this text Then God (SINGULAR) said, ‘Let us (PLURAL) make man (SINGULAR) in our (PLURAL) image, in our (PLURAL) likeness...’ So God (SINGULAR) created man (SINGULAR) in his (SINGULAR) own imagine, in the image of God (SINGULAR) he (SINGULAR) created man (SINGULAR); male (SINGULAR) and female (SINGULAR) he (SINGULAR) created them (PLURAL) (Gen 1:26-27). In other words, man is the union of male and female, just as God is the union of the three persons of the Godhead in the Trinity.
B. A second purpose of marriage is to give us a foretaste of the joy we will experience when we are forever united with Christ our bridegroom in eternity. We, the church, are betrothed to Christ as his bride. The final return of Christ to receive us to himself is portrayed as the wedding of the lamb. The richest pleasures of sexual union are a type, a foreshadow of the intense pleasure and joy that will be ours when we are united, spiritually to Christ. This link between sexual union and our union to Christ is not MY idea bu PAUL’s. In Eph 5, he says, For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife and the two will become one flesh. This is a profound mystery, but I am talking about Christ and the church (Eph 5:31-32).
C. A third purpose for marriage is revealed in the creation account, where marriage is designed by God to overcome the aloneness of Adam. Each part of the creation narrative closes with God’s statement: And it was GOOD, until the creation of man. After Adam is created, God says. It is NOT GOOD that man should be alone. In naming the animals Adam realizes that none can be a true partner to him. They cannot overcome his loneliness. So, God creates woman to be his partner, soul mate, and lover. The LORD God said, ‘It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him (Gen 2:18).
D. These 3 purposes come together in a single, clear focus: God’s goal for marriage is LOVING INTIMACY! Eve is created with a spirit, heart, and body which correspond to Adam’s (She is made from Adam and is bone of his bone, flesh of his flesh.) Marriage is given as the one safe arena where husband and wife are naked—body, soul, and spirit—laid bare and vulnerable to each other. But within the covenant of marriage, God’s design is for Christ-like love to cast out the fear of such complete exposure. Thus, husband and wife can be naked and not feel ashamed or afraid. Adam and Eve’s like natures, combined with the experience of nakedness (barring their hearts and bodies to one another) enable them to experience INTIMACY, i.e. oneness of spirit, oneness of heart, oneness of body.
The goal of marriage is to be able to be naked, body and soul, and be so loved and accepted that you never feel ashamed. The man and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame. (Gen. 2:25). It is to be so fully one with each other that you think of your mate’s body as part of yourself, leading the Apostle Paul to say to husbands, In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself (Eph. 5:28). An old fashioned way to express God’s goal for our marriages is the word intercourse which means, literally, “connection between persons.” It is both conversational interaction that connects two SOULS, and sexual interaction, which connects two BODIES. You married men can tell your wives that the author of this blog said, “The goal of marriage is intercourse." Then, they’ll never want you to read this blog again! Here is the point: God wants Christian couples to proactively pursue his goal for their marriage—INTIMACY—both the union of soul and union of body.
E. Sexual union is therefore a celebration of the intimacy for which God designed marriage. Again, the words of Genesis 2, For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh. The man and his wife were both naked and they felt no shame (Gen 2:4).
F. The biblical perspective is that God loves the lovemaking of husband and wife. This truth is abundantly clear in the Song of Songs. Dennis and Barbara Rainey write, In the Song of Songs, God enters the bridal chamber, where the newlyweds lay entwined in each other’s arms. He raises his hand over them and blesses them. His benediction urges them to feast on the joy of their sexual union. “EAT FRIENDS: DRINK AND IMBIBE DEEPLY, O LOVERS.” (Simply Romantic Nights)
In Proverbs 5, married couples are urged by God to be drunk with sexual love for each other. May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth. A loving doe, a graceful deer—may her breasts satisfy you always. May you ever be intoxicated with her love (5:18-19).
In the NT, married couples are commanded not to let anything but a special prayer time get in the way of regular, frequent, sex. The one with the weaker sex drive is to accommodate to his partner, so he is not deprived. The wife’s body does not belong to her alone, but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband’s body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent…so that Satan will not tempt you (1 Cor. 7:4-5).
G. The creation of the male body with its build-up of semen, seems designed by God to drive a husband frequently into the arms of his wife, where he is surrounded by her nurturing love, a love, he may not even know he needs. Lovemaking nourishes both husbands and wives in marriage. Ann Ortland observes, Lovemaking is the most practical, binding, and enriching experience of all married love. There is one person who knows you and wants to know you more, better than anyone but God. And that’s why God gave you sex, to interact at the deepest possible human levels. Your sex life as a married couple will make your self-esteem go up or down (Sex in a Growing Marriage).
The point to this summary is that Biblical Christianity, unlike some religions, has a very high view of sex, sexual desire, and sexual fulfillment. The male sex drive is God’s good gift to both husbands and wives.
2. OUR SECOND OBSERVATION ABOUT THE MALE SEX DRIVE IS THAT IT IS EASILY AWAKENED BY SIGHT Unlike women who are sexually attracted not to the body, but to the whole person, men are sexually stimulated by sight alone. They are captivated by the naked female body, with no relationship necessary.
Because sight alone stimulates their sexual desires, men face unparalleled temptation in the world of the 21st century screens. However, the same struggle was around thousands of years ago. Job, to protect against lust said, I made a covenant with my eyes not to look lustfully at a girl (Job 31:1). In the third and fourth episodes in this series we will go into more detail about how to battle lust. But it is worth mentioning here that because of the creation principle that men’s sex drive is awakened by sight, one of the best strategies to prevent lust is following Job’s example. The battle with lust is more easily won, the further out, away from your heart that you fight the temptation. Arterburn and Stoker point out the strategic value of bouncing our eyes:
You can win this battle by training your eyes to “bounce” away from sights of pretty women and sensual images. If you “bounce your eyes”…you can win this war. The problem is that your eyes have always bounced towards the sexual, and you’ve made no attempt to end this habit. To combat it, you need to build a reflex action by training your eyes to IMMEDIATELY bounce away from the sexual, like the jerk of your hand away from a hot stove. (Every Man’s Battle)
3. THE MALE SEX DIRIVE IS EXTREMELY POWERFUL. Sex is one of few activities that engage your spirit, mind, will, emotions, and body all at the same time. Physiologically, no other human activity sends as many pleasure chemicals to the brain. Christian psychologist, Dr. Doug Weiss explains.
During sex, chemicals called endorphins and encephalins rush to the excitement center (preoptic neuron) of a man’s brain, filling it to the highest possible level… Men who take risks such as sky diving, bungee jumping, or deep sea diving utilize the same part of the brain as sex does. However, sex, by far, produces the greatest chemical release, making his brain and body feel their absolute best. That is why men love sex and why it is so appealing. (Sex, Men, and God)
Since sexual DESIRE can be overpowering, sexual TEMPTATION can be overpowering. This fact means that Christian men are going to lose many battles with lust. Those defeats can enable Satan’s shaming tactics overpower you, driving you into discouragement, isolation, and despair. You must counter the attacks of Satan (whose name is The Accuser of the Brethren) by your heart being overpowered by GOD’S GRACE—his endless forgiveness and unconditional love.
4. OUR SEXUALITY FLOWS FROM OUR HEARTS. Jesus taught, The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart (Luke 6:45). Winning the battle for sexual purity is not done through behavior modification, but only through heart transformation. I cannot give you five steps to take next Thursday afternoon so that you will be sexually pure forever. This battle is so hard, and so disheartening because our sexuality flows from our hearts, which are corrupted by sin. Jeremiah tells us, The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it (Jer 17:9)? Making lasting progress in this battle only happens as Christ transforms our hearts and empowers us to guard our hearts. Don’t let the accuser of the brethren discourage you by saying, “You call yourself a Christian and you lusted and masturbated again?” Even a lifetime is not long enough for Jesus to completely transform our hearts; it won’t fully happen until he returns and sets the universe totally free from sin.
5. OUR SEXUAL DESIRES FLOW OUT OF OUR DEEPEST YEARNINGS FOR INTIMACY AND LOVE. Sexual desire is intertwined with our thirst for intimacy. We know this is the case because of the advice Paul gave to the Corinthian Christians who struggled mightily with sexual temptation. When Paul argues in 1 Corinth 6:13, the body is not MEANT for sexual immorality, I would have expected him to continue “because the body was MEANT for RIGHTEOUS SEX.” But that is not what Paul says. Instead he writes, The body is not meant for sexual immorality, but FOR THE LORD, AND THE LORD FOR THE BODY. Paul looks beneath the sexual appetite that is driving the Corinthians to immorality and sees the hunger for intimacy. That human hunger, says Paul, is meant to be satisfied by God. That is why J. B. Phillips’ paraphrases of verse 13b is so good. You cannot say that your physical body was made for sexual immorality. It was made for God and God is the answer to our deepest longings.
Paul says the answer to the temptation to illicit sex is union with Christ our true bridegroom. The common hunger beneath both is the craving for intimate love. A profound principle for battling our sexual cravings is making sure our intimacy tank is fully met through enjoying our love relationship with Christ. A big part of overcoming lust is not so much loving sexual pleasure less, but replacing that love with a greater love. In the words of John Piper.
One reason lust reigns in so many is that Christ has so little appeal. You were created to treasure Christ with all your heart—more than you treasure sex or sugar. If you have little taste for Jesus, competing pleasures will triumph. Plead with God for the satisfaction you don’t have. Quote Psalm 90:14, “Satisfy us in the morning with your steadfast love that we might rejoice and be glad all our days.” Then, look, look, LOOK at the most magnificent person in the universe until you see him the way he is. (Desiring God)
For Further Thought:
1. It might be a great time to thank God for your sex drive and in a fresh way put it on the altar—trusting God to help you battle lust.
2. Pick one of the five characteristics of our sex drive that you want to mull over and think about some more. How can this understanding help you in your mission as a Christ-follower?
