Bruce Jenner’s recent transformation to Caitlyn because he is finding that his “true sexual identity is female” is but one more message our sons and daughters are hearing that adds to the gender confusion that is the goal of the LGBT (lesbian, gay, bisexual, transsexual) community. Their stated goals are: 1) Challenging dominant constructions of masculinity and femininity, 2) Challenging homophobia, 3) Challenging the primacy of the gendered heterosexual nuclear family.
This article is written to show how gender confusion in the hearts of our sons puts them at great risk of being drawn into the gay lifestyle. I then make some suggestions for what to do about it.
Boys who do not fit what they think is the male stereotype have probably always seen themselves as not real manly; but today the culture is sending them a very different message—you are gay--your very identity is to be homosexual. The following are some of the characteristics that can make boys question their gender identity. They
- cry easily
- have strong artistic, musical or theatrical gifts
- are less athletic than most boys
- dislike the roughhousing that their friends enjoy
- are physically frail or weak
- find friendships with girls easier than with boys
- are somewhat passive
- are extremely intelligent
What makes gender confusion so dangerous for our boys is that the LGBT community is saying that if you have these characteristics, you are gay. One mom told me that because her son was a musician, even the “straight” girls in her son’s school had labeled him a Gay who would be out by May (a reference to the coming out of the closet and openly identifying himself as homosexual.)
But the LGBT community doesn’t stop at just saying these characteristics make you Gay. Their message is, You must, therefore, try the Gay lifestyle, including Gay sex, to find out if you are Gay or straight. The LGBT influence in our culture is so strong that it is quite likely that if a boy were to bring his gender confusion to a secular counselor or school administrator, he would be advised to try the gay lifestyle to find out what his true sexual identity is.
In a similar vein, John Freeman, the head of Harvest USA told me that today on college campuses where sleeping around has always been common, today the message is, “You don’t know that your sexual orientation is heterosexual until you try gay sex.”
How should we help our sons and daughters who are growing up in this climate?
1. We must take responsibility to protect our children and grandchildren by winsomely imparting to our children a biblical view of homosexuality, which includes at least these points.
- No one is born gay. We are born with either a male or female identity.
- Homosexual sexual practice is sin—a corruption of a man’s sexual desires
- The alleged genetic predisposition to be homosexual is based on biased, falsified research. (See Kevin DeYoung’s book, What Does the Bible say about Homosexuality?)
- Even if it were shown that a certain group of people was disposed to this kind of sin, they are still responsible, as all creatures are, to resist the pull of their sinful nature and obey God.
2. We must help them understand same sex attraction, biblically.
- A boy enjoying non-sexual friendship with his buds or a girl being (non-sexually) affectionate with her favorite girlfriends is normal and healthy. In this climate our children may need to be reassured that really liking their same-sex friends does NOT mean they are gay.
- If they stumble across same sex pornography and find it arousing, it does NOT mean they are gay (as the LGBT community says it does.)
- Same sex attraction is one category of our fallen human desires, just as attraction to another man’s wife is, or being consumed with a desire for more things (greed).
Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality, or thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. And such were some of you. (1 Cor 6:9-11a)
- Struggling with same-sex sexual attraction as a temptation does not mean that a man or woman was created to be gay any more than a man who struggles with sexual attraction to another man’s wife means he was created to be an adulterer.
- It is acting on the same sex attraction to get sexually involved that is the sin of homosexuality. We must communicate that we should expect our churches to have members who are fighting same sex attraction just as we have men and women fighting heterosexual attraction to one who is not their mate.
3. We must help our sons and daughters know how to interact with those around them who embrace the homosexual lifestyle or who argue for gay marriage.
- The first thing we need to do is to ask our children what kinds of issues come up about homosexuality in their world and listen carefully to their answer.
- We must assure our teens that verbalizing our view that the practice of homosexuality is wrong is neither homophobic nor an act of gay-bashing. All sin, whether pride, theft, drunkenness, greed, adultery or lust is destructive to human beings. To express my biblical world and life view is both a right in America, and a loving act because that lifestyle harms those who follow it (whether its adherents believe it does or not.)
- Nevertheless, if expressing our convictions is used in a judgmental way to put down those engaged in the homosexual lifestyle, we must be very quick to stress our own brokenness and need of a savior.
- We must teach our children to never put down (be judgmental towards) those who struggle with homosexual sin and in fact to defend anyone who is being bullied for being gay.
4. We must be intentional about affirming the masculine identity of those boys in our midst who might be struggling with doubts about their masculinity. In the next blog I will develop this point in more detail with practical suggestions for Dads.
Note: Below are links to 2 valuable tools that can help the precious boys in your congregation avoid gender confusion.
Rediscovering Biblical Manhood. This Saturday morning seminar is a great opportunity for the men and young men of your churc to look at the biblical description of masculinity together. One of the most valuable talks for dads and granddads is, “What Does a Son Need from His Dad to Grow into Godly Manhood?”
Boys to Men: A Five Week Father/Son study on GODLY MANHOOD. This is a great tool to enable a dad to rescue his son from any potential gender confusion, affirm his son’s masculinity, and call his son to a fresh commitment to godly manhood.
