In the past few weeks, we’ve seen an authority figure, namely a Minneapolis police officer, murder George Floyd, seen mayors of major American cities refuse to stop angry mobs from looting and destroying property, and while observing Father’s Day, noted the fatherlessness epidemic in our cities along with God’s ordained design for fathers to be responsible for the discipline of their children. The common thread in these themes, is the break-down of the proper use of authority in our streets and homes. This episode looks at four restraints upon evil that God provides for society, then zooms in to look specifically at one of those restraints, i.e. the proper discipline of children. It then examines five guiding principles to follow to discipline our children effectively at home.
As we saw two weeks ago, when God addresses the training of children, he addresses fathers, not mothers. This responsibility is so important that I want to devote several weeks to it to help men think through this vital task. And it is a vital task, because it is in the home where a child must be taught that the world does not revolve around him, and that he cannot always have his way. Firm discipline is vital to help him learn to make himself do what he doesn’t feel like doing, i.e. OBEY or he will bring painful consequences on himself. To protect his creation after Adam and Eve brought sin into the world, God restrains evil in human society so that we do not destroy ourselves.
FOUR WAYS GOD RESTRAINS EVIL FROM DESTROYING HIS CREATION
1. By writing his moral law on every human heart. God’s moral law is, of course, the authority on right and wrong. In Romans, Paul describes Gentile cultures that did not have the Scriptures. He explains, They show that the work of the law is written on their hearts, while their conscience also bears witness, and their conflicting thoughts accuse or even excuse them (Rom 2:15).
The weapon the conscience uses to restrain evil is the painful feeling of guilt that comes when our conscience is violated. It is true that our conscience can be misscalibrated. Scripture says our conscience can be seared (1 Tim 4:2), or defiled (Titus 1:15) and therefore insensitive to true guilt, or it can be weak (1 Cor 8:7) prompting guilt feelings over things that are not sinful. Nevertheless, as we uphold morality in our homes and culture, despite loud voices that want to suppress truth, we have a hidden ally in the hearts of those to whom we are speaking—the inner voice of their conscience. The law of God is written on all human hearts.
2. The second way God restrains evil is through the family, and the training of children at home. It is not a village that is needed, but a home with both mom and dad present. In Ephesians 6:1-3, God links learning obedience at home to success throughout a child’s life: Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise), “that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.”
Every child comes into the world a joyful bundle of self-centeredness. Children are glorious ruins—glorious because they are made in God’s image and ruins because they are born with sinful natures that will destroy their lives if they don’t learn to restrain their impulses. Henry Cloud and John Townsend in Boundaries With Kids, write: An accurate description of children is that they are little people who are out of control of themselves and attempting to control everyone around them. They do not want to take control of themselves to adapt to the requirements of Mom and Dad; they want Mom and Dad to change the requirements.
At home, firm, consistent discipline must teach a child:
- Life is not all about him
- He often cannot have his own way
- Disobedience is more painful than the pain of saying “no” to himself and learning the self-control that will be an enormous asset his whole life
- He cannot get away with playing the “victim” card; he is responsible for his behavior.
Cloud and Townsend explain, A child needs to know where she begins, what she needs to take responsibility for…. If she knows that the world requires her to take responsibility for her own personhood and life, then she can learn to live up to those requirements and get along well in life (Ibid).
3. The third way that God intends evil to be restrained in society is through the church. Christ-followers aren’t just forgiven their sins, they are indwelt by the Holy Spirit at work in them to produce godly spiritual fruit. Not only that, but we are commanded to actively seek first the establishment of Christ’s kingdom of righteousness throughout culture. To our shame, the church has been complicit at times in our country’s crass racism exhibited through slavery. To be fair, it was also Christians who led the way to ending slavery in many places: William Wilberforce who labored 25 years to end slavery in Great Britain and Harriet Beecher Stowe, who wrote, Uncle Tom’s Cabin. Chuck Colson’s Prison Fellowship has had an enormous positive impact on black men and women in prison and their families. Nevertheless, the murder of George Floyd should be a slap in the face to make Christians search their hearts and the institutions of our country to expose racism if it is harbored there. Jesus taught that Christians have a special responsibility to stand for justice and be salt and light to their culture:
You are the salt of the earth, but if salt has lost its taste, how shall its saltiness be restored? It is no longer good for anything except to be thrown out and trampled under people's feet. You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden. Nor do people light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a stand, and it gives light to all in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven (Matt 5:13-16).
Salt retards decay when it is rubbed throughout the meat it is preserving. It is easy for Christians to remain in the salt-shaker with only non- Christian friends, and no meaningful relationships with lost co-workers and neighbors. It is also easy to lose our saltiness. When two people agree on everything, one of them is not necessary. If we simply go along with the prevailing attitudes displayed in the media, without challenging them, what use are we in restraining evil in God’s good world?
Jesus teaches us that men love darkness because their deeds are evil. So, we are to be the light of the world. We are to winsomely take a stand for righteousness and justice—to let our light shine. Note, however, that letting our light shine is closely identified with good works. Mercy ministry and working for justice for the poor and oppressed have always been identified with sharing the gospel of Jesus with the culture. James testifies, Religion that is pure and undefiled before God the Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their affliction, and to keep oneself unstained from the world (James 1:27).
4. The fourth restraint upon evil, which God ordains for human life is civil government. Paul explains the role that God has ordained for government:
Let every person be subject to the governing authorities. For there is no authority except from God, and those that exist have been instituted by God. Therefore whoever resists the authorities resists what God has appointed, and those who resist will incur judgment. For rulers are not a terror to good conduct, but to bad. Would you have no fear of the one who is in authority? Then do what is good, and you will receive his approval, for he is God's servant for your good. But if you do wrong, be afraid, for he does not bear the sword in vain. For he is the servant of God, an avenger who carries out God's wrath on the wrongdoer. Therefore one must be in subjection, not only to avoid God's wrath but also for the sake of conscience (Rom 13:1-5).
In a world where Roman rule led to his fellow Jews being unjustly crucified, and the church being horribly persecuted, Paul nevertheless gave this command to obey civil authority. The biblical worldview does not condone letting lawless mobs destroy buildings, attack police officers, or get rid of police departments because of racism in our society. Permitting such behavior harms the very people these perpetrators claim to want to help. Unbridled anarchy is very consistent with letting children have their own way; it is refusing to demand that a child control his impulses.
It is worth noting that Paul mentions bearing the sword. This could mean exercising legal authority in general, including levying fines, or imprisonment. But it is likely also a reference to capital punishment. The reason Paul gives for government to wield the sword is JUSTICE not REHABILITATION. Paul's words are He does not bear the sword in vain. For he is the servant of God, an avenger who carries out God's wrath on the wrongdoer. This teaching is consistent with the creation ordinance that God established with Noah after the flood. From his fellow man I will require a reckoning for the life of man. “Whoever sheds the blood of man, by man shall his blood be shed, for God made man in his own image” (Gen 9:6). God interprets the murder of another human, who bears his image to be an attack upon God, Himself. The Hebrew grammatic structure reveals a perfect symmetry of justice. Human life is valued so highly that it is to be protected by a system of justice that demands execution for murder.
Scripture teaches capital punishment for murder when there is certainty that the accused has committed that murder. This is a matter of justice, and a way to restrain evil. But the assumption is that there is certainty that the accused committed the crime. Even in Israel’s theocracy, it took two eyewitnesses to convict. More importantly there was a severe penalty for perjury. If you were caught lying in a capital case like adultery or murder YOU were executed! There were tremendous safeguards against executing an innocent person. In a country like ours with a racist past and strong evidence of continuing racism, it is questionable in my mind whether to ever execute one accused of murder. Yet, I believe that if there is absolute certainty that a premeditated murder took place by an adult who is proven to be mentally competent, the state should execute him or her. This is not a case of the state being a murderer just like the criminal, as is sometimes alleged. It is a matter of the sacredness of human life and God giving the power of the sword to the state who “carries out God’s wrath on the wrongdoer" (Rom 13:4b).
FIVE PRINCIPLES TO GUIDE OUR DISCIPLINE AT HOME
A. A father’s punishment is never to satisfy justice. God, himself or the civil authority (as we have seen) is assigned the task of bringing justice for crimes that arouse God’s just wrath against sin. Paul commands, Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.” Punishment is only administered as part of the training plan for his child.
B. Loving parents firmly discipline their children. Following the Bible in the way you parent is extremely counter cultural. Humanistic philosophy tells us that punishment stifles children. Misguided psychologists believe that a careful parent applying limited, temporary physical pain to a child’s bottom, an ideal part of a child’s anatomy, with no possible injury to organs is ABUSE. Here is what God says:
- For the Lord disciplines the one he loves, and chastises every son whom he receives (Heb 12:6).
- Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him (Prov 13:24). IF YOU REFUSE TO BRING PAIN TO THE SAFE PART OF A CHILD, HIS BOTTOM, IN ORDER TO TEACH HIM THE PAINFUL CONSEQUENCES OF SIN, YOU HATE YOUR CHILD! YOU DO HIM IRREPARABLE HARM.
When you paddle a child for not listening to you but running into the street, you administer safe, limited, pain NOW, so that NEXT TIME he starts to run into the street, he will stop and not be hit by a car and be paralyzed for life. You administer safe, light, controlled pain now, so he avoids more severe pain later. That is called LOVE. The myth that paddling a child is abuse is causing parents in our culture to raise monsters—a generation of kids with almost no impulse control or ability to say, “No” to what they FEEL LIKE doing. That is CRUELTY. God says that is HATE. Please don’t believe this myth. But having said that, I also need to say there are many caveats regarding the use of spanking to insure that the God ordained tool of paddling does NOT become abuse. I identify 13 of these in my blog article, The Peterson Case & the Spanking Question, which you can click here to read.
C. The third principle to guide our discipline at home is this: Discipline inflicts short-run pain for the long-term gain of your child.
- For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it (Heb 12:11).
- The rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother (Prov 29:15).
Successful parents and coaches live by the rule that short run pain inflicted by today’s discipline, produces tomorrow's long run benefit of charcter.
D. Always accompany discipline with empathy for the pain it causes your child, but don’t rescue your child from the consequences of his misbehavior. Cloud and Townsend write:
Teach your children that pain can be good. Model facing problems. Mode being sad but continuing onward. Empathize with them about how hard it is to do the right thing, and then still require it. I have a friend whose common response to her teenage son’s protest is the same few words: “I know Tim. Livin’s hard. But I believe you can do it.” When this teen becomes a young man and the going gets tough, instead of thinking, How can I get out of this? He will hear a voice inside affirm and embrace his struggle: “I know, Tim. Livin’s hard. But I believe you can do it” (Boundaries With Kids).
E. Discipline needs to be a part of an over all training plan that includes teaching, and encouragement, as well as painful consequences for wrong behavior. Paul says to dads, Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord (Eph 6:4) Inconsistent discipline provokes anger in a child. One moment, he gets away with murder, the next time he barely puts his toe across the line, and he is clobbered. Inconsistent, anger-producing discipline arises from a reactive, frustration-driven, or seat of the pants response to the child’s unacceptable behavior. In contrast Paul says bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. Dads are NOT to watch their children grow up but to bring them up. The second word discipline is PAIDEA, from which we get pediatric. It means the training of children. A father’s authority is never to be used selfishly, or reflexively. Rather, it is to be part of a TRAINING plan. The third word, instruction, means literally “to put into the mind.” It also is a crucial part of a training plan. The next two weeks we will continue looking at how to train our children so every guys who reads our blog or listens to the podcast knows what that plan should include.
For Further Prayerful Thought:
1) Which of the four ways that God protects his creation from being destroyed by human evil stood out to you? Which of the four ways that God restrains evil are most under assault today?
2) Which of the five overview principles of discipline do you think is hardest for most parents to implement?
