God tells us in his Word, “A woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. Give her the fruit of her hands, and let her works praise her in the gates” (Prov 31:28-31).
Notice the imperative God uses: SHE IS TO BE PRAISED! Husbands and children are to GIVE HER what in God’s eyes is the fruit of her hard work—verbal affirmation. A wife’s good works are to lead to being publically praised—“let her works praise her in the gates.” Right here in Scripture, we are smacked in the face with a fundamental characteristic of a wife—she needs words of affirmation from us and our children. That is the way she is designed by God. To deny her the fruit of her hard work—praise—is simply wrong.
Here are 5 reasons it is important for a husband to praise his wife regularly.
- Because God commands it. “GIVE HER the fruit of her hands.”
- Because as the one who knows her best, body, soul, and spirit, you have more power to make her feel valuable than any other human.
- Because life beats all of us down, including your wife. We all fail. At times we all feel inadequate, inferior, worthless. Psychologists say it takes ten compliments to offset one criticism. Walking through life beside your wife puts you in position to put the soothing salve of tender, husbandly, acceptance on the painful wounds life brings to her self-esteem.
- Because your wife lives in a world that exalts youthful beauty and sexual attractiveness. She knows that age is stealing hers, and often fears becoming less attractive.
- Because her God-designed identity is being YOUR suitable helper. Her calling is to assist YOU, helping you get where you are going and managing your home for YOU. She therefore needs to know that YOU value her many feminine virtues. Your words of appreciation are to be the paycheck for succeeding in her fundamental, life calling. How do you feel when you work for a boss who never expresses appreciation for your work?
This God-given thirst for affirmation in a wife’s soul can easily go unnoticed by her husband. With parched souls and sad hearts many wives live each day feeling worthless, unattractive, and unappreciated. A wife’s energy level goes down as the monotony and tediousness of her efforts at home are scarcely noticed and rarely appreciated. Feeling worthless is a common cause of depression among women.
Could it be that your wife is a lot thirstier for your affirmation than you ever realized?
Here are a few more insights about meeting this need.
- Meeting your wife’s need to feel valued begins in YOUR heart. Prov 18:22 tells us, “He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord”. How grateful to God are you for your wife?
- Are there things about her that aren’t changing and really bother you? Do you resent the fact that she is not more sexually inviting, finding yourself envious of husbands whose wives want and enjoy sex more than yours does? Do you wish she weren’t so critical of you? Are you bothered that she has put on weight that she won’t deal with? Do you tire of some of her annoying habits? You cannot meet her need for constant affirmation if you are not genuinely grateful to God for bringing her to you.
- Notice that the husband of Prov 31 tells his wife she is a better wife than every other wife. “Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all” (Prov 31:29). Since many wives compare themselves to other women way too much, already doesn’t it seem unwise for the husband to feed this comparison? Besides, how can every wife surpass every other wife? Logically that is impossible.
- There appears to be, a profound truth revealed in these words of praise. They suggest that a wife needs to know that in her husband's eyes, when compared to other women, “she surpasses them all--that her strengths are the perfect strengths he needs to match his weaknesses and that her unique personality and beauty are the kind he finds most attractive. Has your wife been hearing that message from your lips?
Let’s ask God to help us, first to treasure our wives and then to regularly fill their heart with words of affirmation and praise. Let’s give our wives the fruit of their hands.
