Modern Views of Sexuality Are More Enlightened than the Bible

When I was a teenager, before Young Life convinced me otherwise, I believed that when it came to sex, God was a celestial Scrooge looking over the banister of heaven to spot anyone who was having fun, so he could squelch it. Perhaps my thinking had been corrupted by the views of Alfred Kinsey, known as the Father of the Sexual Revolution, whose work became celebrated during my growing up years. Kinsey falsified his research and taught that children and teens were suffering terribly because their sexual desires were being repressed by Judeo-Christian values. In today’s episode we will discover that the modern “enlightened” view of sexuality actually undervalues sex and that it is, in fact, the Biblical view that upholds sex as a precious treasure. Let’s examine four common messages about sexuality articulated and assumed by today’s social media:

Message #1: Sex is just a bodily appetite the satisfaction of which brings explosive pleasure to be enjoyed. This worldview leads to “friends with benefits,” to an evening “hooking up” with a sexual partner, with no commitment required. A multiyear survey of more than twenty-four thousand college students from twenty-two different US colleges and universities found that 62% reported having hooked up since the beginning of their college experience while 61% reported going out on a date (A Practical Guide to Culture, Stonestreet and Kunkle). To view sex as merely getting sexually aroused with a partner to the point of orgasm for casual fun and pleasure is a logical consequence of naturalism. If this physical world is all there is—then love, virtue, purity, and faithfulness mean nothing—they are mere biological reactions that produce chemicals in the brain. But is having sex just about satisfying a sexual appetite? Here are six reasons why reducing sex to mere bodily pleasure makes no sense.

1. Everyone knows that true love, loyalty, and devotion to sexual faithfulness are more than chemical reactions. They constitute a moral virtue called love.
2. Hookup behavior in college is correlated with depression and poor mental health. A 2014 study concluded, “For emerging adult college students engaging in casual sex seems to elevate the risk for negative psychological outcomes” (Ibid).
3. Having sex is a profound experience of nakedness. Before sin entered the world, Adam and Eve were naked but not afraid. When sin entered the world, as a form of protection, God gave humans a sense of emotional uneasiness when we unclothe in a locker room, or our private parts are examined by a doctor. This innate God-given protection must be neutralized and then continually beaten back down to continue in hookup behavior.
4. We all know that sex is more than just a physical act. The long-term emotional trauma of those who are sexually assaulted prove that such an assault is more than bruises on the body but the violation of the person.
5. Research reveals that individuals with more sexual partners before marriage show less marital satisfaction. Conversely, having fewer sexual partners results in higher marital quality (A Practical Guide to Culture).
6. Separating sexual desire from romantic desire is dehumanizing and perilous. Such a separation is at the root of prostitution, sex trafficking, and the endless ways that men have degraded women by exploiting them.

So, suppose you're in a conversation and someone says, “Christians are too hung up over their Victorian sex ethics.” How would you respond? You might say, “Tell me more.” “Sex is just a natural biological function that we can enjoy without worrying about getting pregnant now that we have birth control. I love God too, but I don’t think He really cares about who I sleep with.” “May I ask you a question?” “Sure.” “You said that sex is just physical. Do you think that raping a woman is worse than giving her a black eye?” “Of course. I personally think rapists deserve the death penalty!” “But why is SEXUAL assault any different than just PHYSICAL assault?” “Because it violates a PERSON.” “Right. Then aren’t you saying that sex is more than just a physical experience?”

Sex is far, far more than just a biological function that brings great pleasure.

Message #2: Porn doesn’t hurt anyone and may help wives get turned on. Today, we are experiencing a porn epidemic.

• Pornography takes up on third of the Internet’s entire bandwidth.
• 64% of Christian men and 15% of Christian women watching porn monthly.
• 49% of young adults say all or most of their friends use pornography regularly.
• Teens and young adults aged 13-24 believe not recycling (56%) is worse than pornography (32%).
• Of 13–24-year-olds, only 57% believe a fully nude image that is sexually arousing is pornography.

Is consuming pornography harmless? Common sense and scientific research answer, “NO.” Here are seven ways that porn harms:

1. Porn trains men to separate sexual pleasure from heart connection with a real woman. They are programing their brain to respond to impersonal airbrushed images. The reason this programing is deadly is that what makes sex satisfying for a wife is the PERSONAL dimension of it—connecting to each other’s hearts! So porn trains men to do sex in the least satisfying way for their wives.
2. Porn use harms sexual satisfaction in mariage. A 2018 study of 1,500 young adults found that more frequent porn viewing was associated with lower rates of sexual satisfaction in marriage.
3. Porn use increaases the likelihood of divorce. In 2002, the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers reported that 56% of their divorce cases “involved one party having, an obsessive interest in pornographic websites” (Porn Stats 2018, Covenant Eyes).
4. Porn is addictive. Numerous studies show that those addicted to pornography experience changes to the structure of their brains that are similar to individuals addicted to drugs and alchohol (Ibid).
5. Porn addiction makes sex seem like too much work. Finding sexual release through masturbating to pornographic images is much easier than creating a romantic environment that puts a wife in the mood for sex.
6. Viewing porn supports the abuse of women. Catering to the porn industry supports driving a knife into a woman’s sense of worth, dignity & self-respect.
7. The social cost of pornography is undeniable. Numerous studies show porn use linked to violent sexual assault of women. In 2016, a team of researchers looked at 22 studies concluding, “individuals who consume pornography more frequently are more likely to 1) hold attitudes conducive to sexual aggression and 2) engage in actual acts of sexual aggression” (Coslon Center, What Would You Say).

Suppose you’re in a conversation and someone says, “You may not like porn, but it’s just victimless entertainment.” What would you say? “May I ask you a question?” “Sure.” “Do you think that having strong marriages where mom and dad stay together helps the children of our society?” “Of course.” “Do you know what divorce attorneys say is the most salient factor in 56% of divorce cases?” “No what?” “An obsessive interest in pornographic websites.” “Did you know that there is a well-established factual link between the use of hardcore pornography and the sexual assault of women?” “But that’s hardcore.” “Do you know the pathway that leads men into hardcore porn?” “Okay, okay, you win. I guess porn us is not a victimless practice.”

Message #3: The normal expression of romantic love for someone is to have sex with them. The practice of regular premarital sex and sharing the same bed and apartment has exploded in recent decades in America. One quarter of all unmarried women between the ages of 25 and 39 are currently living with their sexual partner. Living together and having regular sex, it is thought, helps you see if you are compatible before you take the plunge. It is also a way to see if you and your partner can keep the sexual chemistry going. However, this logic turns out to be completely mistaken. Studies repeatedly show that having regular sex while living together increases marital DISSATISFACTION when the knot is eventually tied.

• People with cohabiting experience who marry have a 50 to 80 percent higher likelihood of divorcing than married couples who never cohabited. (The Ring Makes All the Difference, Glen Stanton).
• Researchers at UCLA “found that cohabitors experienced significantly more difficulty in their marriage with adultery, alcohol, drugs, independence than couples who did not cohabit.” (A Practical Guide to Culture)
• Though birth control is possible in our day and age, the fact that the result of husband and wife making love is the production of a baby is a very strong argument for the biblical view that sex belongs in marriage. Making the creation of succeeding generations of humans based upon their mom and dad’s passionate love for one another is the best possible design for a loving home in which a child can be nurtured. God’s design is incredible.

Message #4: Christians’ rigid sexual mores result in hatred for gay people. Researchers Dave Kinnamen and Gabe Lyons found this view to be pervasive among those under thirty outside the church, whom they interviewed for their book, UnChristian. They write, “You might as well have it tattooed on your arm: anti-homosexual, gay-hater, homophobic.” But do Christians’ rigid moral beliefs cause them to hate gay people? Let’s look at the facts.

1. The same pictures of members of Westboro Baptist in Topeka holding signs that say, “God hates fags” are repeatedly shown on the social media AS IF THIS ATTITUDE WERE TYPICAL of Christian churches, when it is NOT. In your whole life, have you ever personally known anyone in your circle of Christian friends who actually hated homosexual people? We must help the rising generation understand that the ad hominin argument—attacking the character of your opponent—is only resorted to by those whose argument has NO MERIT.
2. Most humans believe that sex is more than a bodily function; it has always also been seen as a MORAL CHOICE. Along with most religions of the world, Christianity teaches that lust, adultery, polygamy, pedophilia, and homosexuality are wrong expressions of sexual desire. Same-sex attraction is like many wrong sexual attractions—to my neighbor’s wife, to my sister-in-law or to the idea of having multiple sex partners in an orgy. 
3. Apart from any religious values, nature tells everyone that homosexual sex is a perversion. I hate to be crass, but sometimes the obvious needs to be stated. The female vagina was made to receive the male penis. Making love with your heterosexual partner makes the home where children are conceived a place where both mom and dad are present and in love. Homosexual sex places the penis in the part of the body intended to release excrement. This fact tells us a lot.
4. Sociologists have proven that children need both moms and dads to flourish. So different are the ways that men and women interact with children, that many sociologists say that there’s no such thing as “parenting”. There’s only “mothering” and “fathering.” From the way that they communicate, to the way that they play, to how they discipline, men and women offer distinct and complimentary benefits to children. Men don’t mother. Women don’t father. Kids need both.
5. The gay lifestyle is NOT just as normal and healthy as the heterosexual lifestyle. Monogamy is almost non-existent in gay relationships. 4.5 % of men currently in a homosexual relationship report being faithful to their partners. In contrast 75% of men and 85% of women in heterosexual relationships reported that they were faithful to their spouse. A study of the sexual profiles of 2,583 older homosexuals found that only 2.7 of those men reported having sex with only one partner. Between 75 and 90 percent of women who have sex with women report sexual activity with men as well. Homosexual sex is NOT about MONOGAMY. Homosexual practice is also loaded with disease. Gay and bisexual men make up about 2% of the population but account for 55% of HIV infections (A Practical Guide to Culture). We’re just beginning to hear about monkeypox, which, like AIDS is spread by gay men having multiple partners. In addition, the CDC found the following to be more prevalent among gay, lesbian, and bisexual students than heterosexual ones.

• Feeling sadness or hopelessness (60.4% compared to 26.4%)
• Serious contemplation of suicide (42.8% compared to 14.8%)
• Suicide attempts (29.4% compared to 6.4%)

In view of the facts about homosexual practice, dissuading someone from pursuing the gay life is an act of love.

If someone were to say to you, “So you are a Christian. Why are so many Christians gay bashers?” What would you say? Here is a possibility. “What makes you say that?” "I see pictures on the news of Christians holding signs, God hates fags.” “Have you noticed that those pictures are the same scene shown over and over? “No, I didn’t realize that.” “From your experience do you know any Christian personally who has harmed gay people?” “Not really.” “May I ask another question?” “Sure.” “Do you believe murder is wrong?” “Of course.” “Does that mean you hate murderers?” “I guess not” “One more question—Do you know of any religion that does NOT teach that sex is a moral choice, prohibiting some forms of sexual expression, like adultery, polygamy, pedophilia, incest, and homosexuality, which are harmful for everyone?” “Not really.”

In summary, the modern, so called “enlightened” view of sexuality treats sex as fare less valuable and important than the Bible does. 

A RICHER VIEW of SEXUALITY

A. REFUTING Message #1: Sex is just satisfying a natural bodily appetite. In contrast, the biblical view identifies sex with intimacy as the wonderful uniting of two complete beings, body, heart, and soul. Springing from supreme life-long love in the security of marriage, sex is an expression of total surrender to one who knows you and wants you body and soul. It is exposing one’s nakedness to another human without the fear of rejection but with the promise and the expectation of being unconditionally because his or her partner has vowed to do so in front of God, the state, the church, parents, family, and friends. Sex, as God designed it to be is holistic, not just physical. It is one of the few human activities that engages your spirit, mind, will, emotions, and body. No other activity sends as many pleasure chemicals to the brain. Christian sex therapist, Doug Weiss explains,

“During sex, chemicals called endorphins and encephalins rush to the excitement center of the man’s brain filling it to the highest possible level…Men who take risks such as sky diving, bungee jumping, or deep-sea diving utilize the same part of the brain as sex does. However, sex, by far, produces the greatest chemical release, making his brain and body feel their absolute best.” (Sex, Men and God).

B. REFUTING MESSAGE #2: Porn harms no one and helps sex in marriage. Most single men believe the myth that marriage will cure their pornography habit. But Christian counselors will tell you that nearly 100% of the time, those with a pornography habit find that the craving for porn returns at some time

after they get married. Self-sex, which indulges in lustful fantasies, builds the neuro-pathways in the brain that cause us to bond with an impersonal object—the image of our lust. Doug Weiss explains: “When a man ejaculates, his brain receives its maximum chemical reward. Whatever he looks at while having an ejaculation is what he will sexually “glue” to.  Whatever his eyes focus on when he sexually releases—a person, image or object—will become etched in his brain as a photographic attachment towards that person, image, or object. I call it ‘sex glue.’” Of course, this is a corruption of God’s design, which is that a man not have sex before marriage and starting on the wedding night, WHAM!  You are glued to her.  Over a short period of time, she becomes your only chemical reinforcement for your sexual experience, and you are totally happy with her regardless of her height, weight, or proportions. When I hear a man complaining that he is no longer turned on by his wife because she has gained weight and lost her sexual attractiveness, I have a strong suspicion that the man has a porn habit.

C. REFUTUNG Message #3: The way to communicate your romantic love to your partner is to have sex. For sexual passion to thrive, sexual union is intended to be the renewal of the lifelong covenant of marriage. From the beginning of creation, God has linked sex to the institution of marriage. Therefore, a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed (Gen. 2:24-25). There are two parts to marriage: 1) the joining of lives, “a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife,” and 2) the joining of bodies, “they shall become one flesh.” As husband and wife join their lives, they share their ideas (mind), their decisions (will) and feelings (emotions). This union is then celebrated by the joining of bodies in sex. Sexual union functions in a similar way to the sacrament of Communion. The wine and bread are OUTWARD PHYSICAL signs and seals, which express an INNER SPIRITUAL reality. Just as celebrating communion strengthens our love relationship with Christ, so the celebration of our sexual union strengthens our love relationship by celebrating the covenant we have made to give ourselves to one another unconditionally—till death us do part. When we see that sex celebrates the rich covenant by which we open ourselves to be exclusively known and cherished, we see how the modern view of sex cheapens what is a great treasure. Mike Mason writes,

“To be naked with another is a sort of picture or symbolic demonstration of perfect honesty, perfect trust, perfect giving and commitment, and if the heart is not naked along with the body, then the whole action becomes a lie and a mockery. It becomes an involvement in an absurd and tragic contradiction: the giving of the body but the withholding of the self (The Mystery of Marriage).

D. REFUTING MESSAGE #4: Christians are gay bashers. What do we say in response to the argument, “If homosexuality is wrong, how can God condemn a same-sex attracted person to never having a romantic, sexual relationship?” Although we must have compassion for those who are same-sex attracted, we must remember two vital truths about God’s design of the human need for love.

1. The ultimate love that humans are designed to experience is the love of Jesus our Bridegroom. Rebecca McLaughlin writes, “In Revelation, John hears a great multitude proclaim, ‘the marriage of the Lamb has come, and his Bride has made herself ready’….This is the moment of ecstasy to which Christians are called. This is the lifetime of love into which we were eagerly invited (The Secular Creed). This is why Jesus says there will be no human marriage in his new world. Those who struggle with same-sex attraction, if they follow Jesus, must seek to mortify such sinful urges along with other urges like the love of money. But contrary to the message of our culture, romantic sexual love is NOT the ultimate form of love that humans need.
2. Same-sex LOVE (i.e. non-sexual brotherly love) is highly valued in Scripture. John is known as “the disciple Jesus loved.” Paul pours out unhindered affection for his brothers and sisters in Philippi. David’s (non-sexual) love for his warrior comrade, Jonathan, was greater, he said, than his love for a woman.  Rebecca McLaughlin finds hope for same-sex attracted people, “It’s not that the Bible doesn’t celebrate same-sex LOVE. But rather than pointing us towards exclusive, sexual relationships, these Scriptural tracks lead to non-erotic, non-exclusive bonds between believers. Correctly followed, these tracks lead to a waterhole of love-filled life in Christ. But turned to sexual sin, they lead to death" (Ibid).

Despite this being a full episode, I can’t end without pointing to the one thing that is even more glorious than God’s design of sexuality—it is the glory of God’s forgiveness of sexual sin. I know no Christian who does not need that forgiveness. May our presentation of the biblical view of sexuality always be a mixture of both TRUTH and GRACE!

Questions for Guiding the Rising Generation to Think About this Material.

1. (I know that talking about sex is embarrassing. But it is a very important part of life.) What is your opinion of the modern view that sex is just a way to satisfy a normal bodily appetite? Do you believe the biblical worldview makes more sense? Why or why not?
2. What is your opinion about pornography? What did you learn that was new to you?
3. What is your opinion about sex being the normal way to say, “I love you romantically?” How would you try to persuade a friend that waiting for marriage to have sex is the best thing to do?
4. Do you know Christian kids who are gay bashers? Why do advocates of the gay lifestyle use the ad homonym argument to label those who disagree homophobic? Why is it loving, if you had the chance, to guide someone AWAY from the gay life?