Last month, while speaking to two MOPs (Mothers of Preschoolers) groups on the topic, “What Husbands Wish Their Wives Knew About Men,” I had the opportunity to ask the wives what makes them feel most loved by their husbands. Their answer was, “feeling cherished.”
Not surprisingly, the word that Paul uses in Eph 5:29 to describe the way Christian husbands are to love their wives is cherish. The definition of this word is "to unconditionally hold dear." It means:
- to treasure her
- to lovingly care for her
- to highly prize her
- to deeply appreciate her
- to make her feel special
How well are you pouring this kind of love into your bride’s heart? The opposite is to take for granted, to neglect, to withdraw from, to reject.
Here are 4 ways to make her feel cherished:
1. Become more grateful to God for her. Train yourself to begin your prayers for her with, “Lord thank you for ___________.“ Proverbs 18:22 says, He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord. Making her feel cherished by me means she must be cherished by me. It begins in my own heart with true gratefulness to my God that he gave her to me to love.
2. Listen to what is on her heart. To value her is to want to know her and what is going on inside her soul. In the dance of man with woman, the man pursues the woman to discover her, to delight in her, to care for her, and to give his love to her. She feels cherished when she knows her husband enjoys her and wants to know her. Taking time to care about her day sends the message, “You are important to me.”
3. Find out what weighs her down and help her carry the load. To highly prize my wife means to protect her from the weight of responsibility that may be too heavy for her alone, from the exhaustion of endless tasks to be done, and from the fears and worries that may overwhelm her. We need not only to notice her physical weariness but occasionally ask, “Honey, are there any worries or fears that sometimes grip your heart?”
4. Praise her. Every wife wants to hear a variation of this message from her husband: Many women do noble things but you surpass them all (Prov 31:29). She needs to know and hear repeatedly that she is highly valued by you, her husband—that her combination of beauty and feminine virtues is the perfect blend you need. She is your “suitable helper” and as such desperately needs to hear your affirming words, “Great job! I’m so glad I married YOU.”
One final thought. I am far too selfish to love Sandy in this way even with the added power of romance on Valentine’s Day. That is why I need Christ to be the one to love Sandy—through me. The fruit of the Spirit is love.
Download a free resource to help you stay focused on what your wife needs. Four Needs of A Wife
