During my lifetime probably only the assassination of John F Kennedy and the attacks of 911 have risen to the level of crisis that COVID 19 has generated in our country at present. How do we make sure we lead our families well during this time and be sensitive to the ways that we can love our neighbors and perhaps respond to opportunities to share our faith during the upcoming challenges?
LET’S BEGIN WITH YOUR WIFE (IF YOU ARE MARRIED).
A. One of the ways a husband needs to build emotional intimacy in his marriage is to help his wife open up her heart to him about her fears and worries. He needs to regularly be asking questions, like, “What are the concerns that are weighing most heavily on your heart right now,” or “Are there some fears that regularly grip your heart?” Certainly, the Corona virus pandemic is enough to generate much fear. So, ask your wife:
- Honey, how are you feeling about this Corona virus?
- Do you find yourself being a little afraid?
- Are you worried about your parents getting it?
- If she starts to open up don’t jump in and say something, “me too.” Instead say, “Tell me more.”
I was quite surprised to find out that fear was intruding its way into the heart of my very strong wife. She has asthma, we are over 60. She said, “I know what it is like to feel like you can’t breathe. It is terrifying. I don’t want to ever die from respiratory problems. So yes, I am afraid, some.”
B. Ramp up your commitment to equally share the extra weight that this crisis is putting on the home—especially the challenges of the children being at home all day. Peter commands, Husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life…(1Pet 3:7).
- Help her think through managing the home front with the kids there all day. Would some structure be wise? Should you try to get on a routine? If one of you has to work from home would it work with the kids to set a timer (while mom or dad is working) but when the timer rings it is play time for parents and kids? How can you help the kids overcome boredom?
- In Scripture, God addresses fathers, not mothers about establishing discipline in the home. So, carry the weight of the extra discipline issues arising from bored kids who are off their routine at home all day.
SHEPHERD YOUR KIDS WELL
A preschool educator posted last week, what the word is on the (kid’s) street about the Corona virus: Earlier this week, I overheard my kids engaged in a round of “I heard” and “Did you know?” while they were getting ready for bed. “I heard that Margaret’s dad has it,” said my six-year-old.
“Did you know that it’s the worst sickness ever?” added my eight-year-old. Neither statement is accurate, but they were revealing: I had thought my initial conversations with my kids about COVID-19 had been good enough. But with adults, kids at school and the news all hyper-focused on this coronavirus outbreak, my reassuring voice needed to be a little louder.
A. Decide with your wife how to help them with their fears.
1. Start with asking questions.
- What have you been hearing about the Corona virus?
- Do you have any questions about the Corona virus?
- Have you heard anything about this virus that makes you feel afraid?
2. Help them lean on the Lord with their fears. You might write out and put on your refrigerator or memorize together,
Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you. For I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior (Isaiah 43:1-3).
3. Share age-appropriate facts, correct misinformation, give reassurance.
a. Say: “You know what it’s like to have a cold or the flu— how sometimes you get a cough or have a fever? This is kind of like that. Most people who catch this sickness stay home, rest and get all better. And we have wonderful doctors and nurses who can help people when they need it.”
b. Reassured them that they are safe, which is the most important message our kids can hear from us. They take their emotional cues from our tone. “You don’t need to worry. Right now, lots of amazing grown-ups are working hard to keep people healthy. Luckily, we already know a lot about how to keep healthy!”
c. Emphasize the simple things your family can do to be “germ busters” Harvard’s Richard Weissbourd points out that kids are “more distressed when they feel helpless and passive, and more comfortable when they are taking action.” The hygiene routines that slow the spread of the COVID-19 are the same habits that help keep us healthy all year round. So, review and discuss them. (Material taken from Little Hands Music)
B. Besides deciding how to help them with their fears, realize that this crisis is a great teaching opportunity. Since the COVID 19 virus is much more dangerous for the elderly (because they have weakened immune systems) you could argue that our whole nation is making sacrifices to prevent the virus from spreading and harming the elderly. This action actually reflects a biblical worldview:
You shall stand up before the gray head and honor the face of an old man, and you shall fear your God: I am the Lord (Lev 3:32).
Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land that the Lord your God is giving you (Ex 20:12).
LEAD YOUR FAMILY TO TAKE ACTIONS TO LOVE YOUR NEIGHBORS WELL DURING THIS CRISIS
While maintaining “social distancing,” the policy our leaders have asked us to comply with, talk with your children and wife about how you as a Christ-following family can address the hardships of others during this crisis: Here are some ideas:
A. Since nursing homes have been closed, could your kids write letters to their relatives or church members who live in nursing homes or are especially isolated. What about calling a nursing home in your neighborhood to get first names and having your kids write to those who are trapped there.
B. Several believers I know have contact their bosses and said, “If you don’t have enough money to pay us all—pay others who are more dependent on this income than I am.”
C. If you have working parents in your neighborhood who have kids at home during the next 2-4 weeks, could you help them some way? Where I live, many children are dependent upon schools for free meals. The county is making them available for free to anyone on a drive-up basis. Could you pick up those meals so the parents can get right to work?
PURSUE CONVERSATIONS WITH LOST FRIENDS DURING THE CRISIS
A. Lead your family to be full of compassion for the lost. There are millions, who don’t experience the security of walking with Christ, who are very afraid. We must respect the policy of social distancing, but where we can converse, we must ask questions and listen, listen, listen!
- How are you feeling about the Corona virus?
- Do you have relatives around the country or world who are at risk?
- What are you doing to protect yourself from it?
- Do you think it might cause you some financial hardship?
We should listen and be compassionate, first. The most ideal way for you to talk about how your faith impacts the way you are dealing with this is for them to ask.
B. Respond wisely to the question: How can God be good when he allows things like the Coronavirus pandemic? Philosopher J. L. Mackie, in his book, The Miracle of Theism, reflects much of today’s thinking when he says, “If a good and powerful God exists, he would not allow pointless evil, but because there is much unjustifiable, pointless evil in the world, the traditional good and powerful God cannot exist.”
1. Thinking Biblically. As Tim Keller points out, tucked away inside the assertion that the world is filled with pointless evil is a hidden premise, namely that if evil appears pointless to me, then it must be pointless. Lurking behind this skepticism is an arrogance that assumes that because we cannot see God’s good purposes in ordaining a world where evil exists, there can’t be a good purpose. But, if God is truly so all powerful and all knowing that we blame him for evil, how do we know that there isn’t a good reason--known only to him but incapable of being grasped by us--for him to employ evil for a good purpose?
There is a second reason that the suffering surrounding the Coronavirus does not support unbelief. CS Lewis describes the moment when he realized that the reality of human suffering does not support atheism.
My argument against God was that the universe seemed so cruel and unjust. But how had I got this idea of “just” and “unjust”?...What was I comparing this universe with when I called it unjust?....Of course I could have given up my idea of justice by saying that it was nothing but a private idea of my own. But if I did that, then my argument against God collapsed too--for the argument depended on saying that the world was really unjust, not simply that it did not happen to please my private fancies…Consequently, atheism turns out to be too simple (C. S. Lewis, The Abolition of Man).
Reason does not support the argument that the world’s suffering is a reason for unbelief. As believers, we need to know that and teach it to our kids. However, pointing out this argument won’t usually matter to unbelievers who ask, “How can God allow so many people to suffer through the Corona virus?”
2. What do you say to your neighbor? I believe that a much wiser approach to helping our non-Christian friends take steps down the path towards belief would to admit, “I don’t know,” and then seek the openness to share two things we do know—the reality of experiencing God’s personal comfort and the strength we experience because of our certainty about our future.
Honestly saying, “I don’t know” is consistent with the biblical teaching from the book of Job, in which God essentially says to Job, “You don’t have the mental horsepower to understand my purposes in suffering.” Randy Newman in his book, Questioning Evangelism, suggests that God’s provision of the book of Job is more to help us process our feelings about suffering than to explain it:
Maybe God gave us this magnificent book not so we’d impress philosophers with erudite answers, but so we’d process grief and come through it as Job did—with a stronger faith, a humble heart, and a hand held over our mouths (see 40:4). We lie on the couch so to speak, with Job and travel with him through a process of argument, despair, self-examination, defense, lamentation, philosophizing, anger, and a host of other honestly expressed emotions to which his friends were oblivious. We come to incomplete conclusions, disturbing realizations, and frustrating dead ends (p. 108).
When non-believers ask how God could the suffering caused by COVID 19, a better response than the Christian apologetic on suffering might be to ask:
- What have you found helpful in handling this Corona virus crisis?
- Would you say that you have any kind of faith that you are leaning on to get you through?
- Some people have been comforted by prayer during this time. Is that something you do much? Did you know that I am praying for your family to be safe through this crisis?
Admitting that you do not know why God let this pandemic happen does not mean that your faith has not been a great help to you. While recognizing that you don’t know the reason for the crisis, you can be intentional to seek opportunities to explain the two things you do know: First, my faith has brought in into a personal relationship with God so that I have daily comfort from God himself. I know that God will walk with me every day through this crisis and that he understands exactly what I am feeling each step of the way. So I am never alone in my fear.
Christianity alone, among the world religions claims that God became uniquely and fully human in Jesus Christ and therefore knows firsthand despair, rejection, loneliness, poverty, bereavement, torture, and imprisonment. On the cross he went beyond even the worst human suffering and experienced cosmic rejection and pain…Why did he do it? The Bible says that Jesus came on a rescue mission for creation. He had to pay for our sins so that someday he can end evil and suffering without ending us (Tim Keller, The Reason for God).
Second, my Christian faith strengthens me with confidence about the future. Jesus came to set this earth free from its bondage to corruption. One day there will be no Coronavirus, no cancer, no suicide, no death. Jesus came to redeem—to set free this world from all the corruption and suffering caused by sin. One day he will fix everything that has been broken by sin in this world and make all things new. A book of the bible gives a preview of this day:
Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and the sea was no more…. And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Behold, the dwelling place of God is with man. He will dwell with them, and they will be his people, and God himself will be with them as their God. He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away (Revelation 21:1-4).
Tim Keller describes the hope provided by the Christian faith for times of crisis and suffering. He writes.
The biblical view of things is resurrection—not a future that is just a consolation for the life we never had but a restoration of the life you always wanted. This means that every horrible thing that ever happened will not only be undone and repaired but will in some way make the eventual glory and joy even greater…Everything sad is going to come untrue and it will somehow be greater for having once been lost (Ibid).
We really don’t know why God has allowed COVID 19 to exist, spread, and take people’s lives. But, after listening carefully to what our non-Christian friends believe and are going through, we can share some powerful truths from our own lives: how much it helps to have a personal relationship with God through Christ—to be able to lean on him, during this time. And how much we are strengthened every day by knowing that Jesus will, one day, set the world free from all its pain, suffering, and brokenness.
