I believe the answer is “sometimes.” Undoubtedly, the reasons a son chooses to enter the homosexual lifestyle are multiple. But some of the best research shows that in many cases, a boy who ends up becoming Gay never bonded with his father. Dr. Joseph Nicolosi, whom James Dobson calls, “the foremost authority on the prevention and treatment of homosexuality,” writes, “In 15 years, I have spoken with hundreds of homosexual men. I have never met one who said he had a loving, respectful relationship with his father.”
Nicolosi explains that in the normal growth of a boy into manhood, the boy goes through the process of disidentifying from his mother and identifying with his father. “In making this shift in identity, the little boy begins to take his father as a model of masculinity.” But this natural process of gender identification can sometimes go awry. The bond of connection with his father doesn’t take place. “Many of these fathers loved their sons and wanted the best for them, but for whatever reason (perhaps there was a mismatch between the father’s and son’s temperaments)” that bond didn’t form properly.
One of the tools Nicolosi has found very helpful in helping males overcome their homosexuality is the father’s affirmation of his son’s maleness and the rebuilding of that bond. “Boys yearn for what is called, ‘the three A’s.’ They are: their father’s affection, attention, and approval.”
There are two strategic things that dads can do to minimize the chances of their son being drawn into the Gay lifestyle:
1. As explained in my blog last month, protect their sons (and daughters) from the gender confusion that is now rampant in our culture. Here is that link to the article, which has practical ways dads can prevent gender confusion in their children.
2. The second is to proactively build his relationship with a) a son who whose temperament seems the most difficult for him to bond with, or b) a son who does not fit the male stereotype or who doesn’t seem to build friendships with other boys well. As Dobson points out, “homosexuality is not primarily about sex. It is about everything else, including loneliness, rejection, affirmation, intimacy, identity, relationships, parenting, self-hatred, gender confusion, and a search for belonging.” Here is the point. It is important for Christian dads to have a strong relationship with all their sons, but especially those at risk for being drawn into the Gay lifestyle. (See Bringing Up Boys, by James Dobson, Chapter 9, The Origins of Homosexuality.)
