As we celebrate Father’s Day this weekend, it could be said that there are three categories of dads in America:a)uninvolved dads: those physically gone or emotionallydisconnected, b)involved dads: those actively part of their son’s life, c)strategic dads: those who harness their son’s desire to be manly and steer it towards godly masculinity….
Modern day gender confusion requires us to be intentional about teaching our sons and grandsons what true masculinity looks like. What a great opportunity for us as Christians to step into this cultural confusion with the clarity of God’s truth about male/female role distinctions. Currently, there is added urgency to affirm our son’s masculine identity because of the growth of the gay movement.
In today’s world the inner doubts that a boy has about his masculinity may be the fertile ground that leads him into the homosexual life-style. This is especially true for boys who do not fit the male, rough and tumble, aggressive, linebacker stereotype. Boys who are sensitive, artistic, and tender-hearted, who often don’ relate as well to boys as to girls, are more likely to be befriended by, and drawn into the gay community. Here are four biblical cornerstones to a masculine identity that need to be laid into the foundation of a boy’s soul.
1. Teach him that true manliness is being strong. “Be strong, show yourself a man, and observe what the LORD your God requires.” 1 Kings 2:2-3. “Be watchful, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong.” 1 Cor 16:13. Both texts point to the inner spiritual strength of godly character. Affirm your son or grandson’s manhood whenever you catch him being brave, taking a stand for truth, being loyal to his friends, being devoted to Christ, being determined to accomplish his goal, having the courage to admit he was wrong, etc. Anytime you see his inner strength of character affirm that strength as masculine.
2. Teach him that manning-up means taking responsibility. “The LORD God took the man and put him in the Garden of Eden to work it…” Gen. 2:15. Responsibility is knowing and doing what God and others expect of me. Adam was to be a faithful steward of the garden. Manliness means faithfully accomplishing a task assigned to me, being thorough and diligent. It means refusing to make excuses, lie, or cheat. Manning up is taking responsibility for what is my job—cleaning up my room, getting my studying done, helping with the dishes, etc. It is being dependable—being a man of my word. A real man is one you can rely upon to do his job.
3. Teach him that real men always protect the weak. “The LORD God took the man and put him in the Garden of Eden to…keep it. Gen. 2:15. The Hebrew word for keep is SHAMAR, which means to “guard,” “watch over,” “protect.” Sissies and wimps pick on their little sisters and brothers. Boys who want to man-up don’t. Men use their strength not to put down, bully, or wound. They use it to care for others, especially the hurting, wounded, or weak. They refuse to allow a special needs kid, an outsider, or a shy girl from being picked on in the neighborhood or at school. They not only reject this behavior in themselves, but they do what it takes to protect others from being hurt.
4. Teach him about girls and sexuality. The rest of Genesis 2 describes the creation of Eve. Our boys need to hear that real men respect women. They need to know that you will not tolerate disrespect for their mom. The respect they will one day need to love their future wives is learned by respecting and valuing their mothers, now. At the right time, you, Dad, (not usually grand-fathers), need to explain this wonderful thing God designed called sex. Like a magnet to iron, male and female as they mature are drawn to each other. Be positive. The weird feeling we have in talking about sex is because it is PRIVATE not because it is DIRTY. Sexual union is designed for marriage; it is like a fire in the fireplace at home, providing warmth. But when the fire is taken outside the home it becomes destructive like a forest fire. Also teach him that in the dance of man and woman, the man is to take the lead. He takes the initiative to pursue her.
I’ve designed a tool called Boys to Men: A Five Week Father/Son Study Of Godly ManhoodFor Boys Aged 11-15 to help you with these 4 goals.Our field testing has shown that the boys love it—it is simple and has fun, humorous stories. The dad’s love it because it provides a guide of what to say, and because going through it both deepens their relationship with their son and helps them succeed in their father role. Here is the link to a sample. Here is the link to buy it.
