What do you think of the statement, God never intended a Christian man to fight his spiritual battles alone? Could that statement be true? And if it is, could Satan be constantly defeating Christian men today because it is so hard to get them connected to a few brothers to help them fight their spiritual battles? Could the world around us see Christians today as not very different from everyone else, because Satan is neutralizing Christ’s power at work in men by isolating us, when men are supposed to be leading the way in spiritual battle? These are the questions this episode examines, as well as a strategy for getting men out of isolation that is working in thousands of men’s lives right now.
This is the final episode in our series Shaping Life by Christ’s Priorities. We first saw that Jesus is quite clear about his priority for our lives. He said, “Seek first the Kingdom of God and his righteousness.” To seek anything, requires deliberate intentionality. We need to think through HOW we are going to pursue the righteous reign of Christ—his agenda for our heart attitudes and each sphere of our lives. We further saw last week that since the essence of humanness is exercising dominion over our lives and environment, perhaps God built a rhythm into the very universe—a day of rest, reflection, renewal, and recalibration, after going hard to shape the kingdom entrusted to us. We asked, “Could we find an hour out of the 168 stewarded to us—perhaps Sunday—to sit with our CO to reflect prayerfully on last week’s and the coming week’s mission?” To do so has a cost—the cost of an hour/week and the cost of self-control.
There seems to be a law in the universe that nothing that is ultimately precious comes to us without the price of self-denial. The kingdom of heaven, said Jesus is like a merchant in search of fine pearls, who, on finding one pearl of great value, went and sold all that he had and bought it (Matt 13:43). Investing one hour a week to focus on our mission from Christ will bear enormous dividends in our lives and that of our loved ones. But it will cost us. This week, we look at another investment that is not cheap--investing what it takes to go through life with a brother or two helping us and our loved ones fight our spiritual battles. In today’s isolated, mobile, Covid 19-shaped world, Christians don’t default into the kind of brotherhood connections that Jesus and his band of brothers experienced. It is worth noting, however, that the greenhouse, which Jesus chose for growing his disciples was the context of male friendship. He called twelve disciples to “be with him,” which also meant being with each other. The twelve learned together, served together, lived together, at times failed together, and eventually faced growing hostility together. Jesus’ discipleship approach was NOT meeting with Peter one-on-one Monday morning for breakfast, setting aside Monday lunch for Andrew, meeting John for breakfast on Tuesdays. His discipleship approach was to form a band of brothers who were with him. The church of Jesus Christ has always believed that being a disciple of Jesus Christ includes BOTH a vertical commitment to surrender to Jesus Christ AND a horizontal commitment to connection with other members of the Body.
But what does that horizontal connection look like in the 21st century? One might argue, “The disciples’ relationships were great; they spent all day with each other wandering around Galilee and Judea. But I have a job to go to, a wife, family, and house to care for, and elderly parents to look out for. My life doesn’t overlap with any potential Christian brothers.” That is a valid point. So, the question we must ask is, how ABSOLUTE is this principle of needing a Christian brother?
Let’s consider, Eph 4:15-16. Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ, from whom the whole body, joined and held together by every joint with which it is equipped, when each part is working properly, makes the body grow so that it builds itself up in love. “Instead of being immature believers,” writes Paul, “I want you to grow up into spiritual maturity and here is the process: speaking the truth in love.” In context, Paul uses the word, truth, in contrast to being carried away by every wind of doctrine in the verse just before it. So, we know that the truth he is referring to is the Word of God. Since disciples apply the teaching of their master to their everyday lives, we know that the topic of discussion is how the Word of God applies to everyday life. But there is also a secondary meaning to the word, Paul uses for truth here. It is a, which means, “not” combined with the verb for, “to hide” lanthano. So, it means not concealed, not hidden. The truth speaking that Paul is speaking about then is being honest about the intersection of our everyday lives with the Word of God.
Notice the verb in the spiritual growth process—the action required of every member of the Body—speaking. Reaching maturity requires every single person to be in a group small enough to speak about his own walk with Christ. The place where this speaking connection to each other that builds up the Body takes place is the JOINT—the connecting point. Notice also the emphasis Paul puts on every single member being connected, from whom the WHOLE body, joined and held together by EVERY JOINT with which it is equipped, when EACH PART is working properly. What this text teaches is that no matter how inspirational the worship service, nor excellent the preaching, Christians will have stunted spiritual growth if they are not connected to other believers, doing life together. Acts 2:41-42 reinforces this same NT principle: And there were added that day about three thousand souls. And they devoted themselves to the apostles' teaching and the fellowship (that word, KOINONIA means “sharing life together,”) to the breaking of bread (in each other’s homes) and the prayers. If the teaching of Eph 4 and this text are not enough, consider the example of Jesus, who was intentional about building a closer brotherhood bond to Peter, James, and John than to the other nine. It was only to those three that he disclosed what was going on in his soul, as he was about to be betrayed and nailed to a cross (Mk 14:32-33).
So, here is the challenge Christian men face today. Maximum spiritual growth can only take place in us when we are connected to believers who have our back. Being vulnerable, talking about the intersection of our lives with God’s Truth is what grows us up into Christ. But Christian brothers don’t walk around our community watching Jesus heal people as his disciples did. We don’t eat together as the twelve did, or even with the other believers as the early Christians did, meeting in house churches. Nearly everything about American culture fosters independence. Our mobility causes us to worship one place, work another place, and live in a third neighborhood. The only way men will get connected to other brothers to experience the power of brothers on their knees for their battles and picking them up when they’ve fallen is to be intentional about forging brotherhood connections. Other than perhaps college or days in the military, our vocation, living quarters, and worship take us in three different directions and different spheres of relationships. Not every Christian man, today, is going to experience a dynamic walk with Christ, where iron is sharpening iron, and where, in the company of men, they drink deeply of a fresh understanding of Christ’s and just what it takes to enjoy a man’s role in it--because the cost is too high. It requires too much time investing in relationships with men, when our time as dads and husbands is at such a premium, too much spiritual energy overcoming our natural independence, too much courage overcoming our resistance to letting others know our failures and what’s really going on inside. It’s just easier to have a few Christian friends, even be in a couple’s study, where you show a glimpse of vulnerability—like the tip of the iceberg, when what’s really going on in our lives is below the waterline.
But for those willing to pay the heavy price—relentless intentionality—there are tools that help men down the path to brotherhood that countless men sense they are missing and know they need. Jesus said, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it” (Matt 16:24-25). Like investing time to formulate a gameplan to try to bring the spheres of your life under Christ’s Lordship, or investing an hour Sunday with your CO to review your mission, investing the time and energy required to build and maintain brotherhood connections as you walk through life is COSTLY. But the benefits are immeasurable. Tom Joyce, a retired Navy Pilot who had been stationed at Naval Air Station Miramar, was a man who knew he needed brothers in his life. He recounts:
Six other brothers and I met in the chaplain’s office every Tuesday morning at 6 AM for Bible study and prayer. These were strong brothers—accountability partners of mine. They found out that I had been selected to command a squadron that was located right down the road from the chaplain’s office. One Tuesday morning, they all got to the study early, but when I arrived there was a note on the door, “Report to Squadron 111 immediately.” That was the squadron I was going to command.
So, I drove over to the squadron, a young sailor let me in and took me upstairs to the commanding officer’s office. They had a chair in the middle of the office and said, “Here’s your chair.” They sat me down and one spokesman of the guys said, “We know you are heading to this squadron right here to be the CO in the next couple of months. We want to help prepare you for that.” Then, one by one, they began praying into me the leadership principles from Joshua 1. “Will you help this man, God, to know your Word.” “Will you help this man, God, to live out your Word.” “Will you help this man, God, to never forget who he has to report to—and that he reports to you.”
You see, I had 270 men, (an all-male fighter squadron), thirteen airplanes, each worth 55 million dollars, and umpteen number of families connected to these men—a huge responsibility on my shoulders. And I knew where I was going. I was taking these men to a combat zone. My brothers sitting here with me were helping to prepare me for leadership.
Connecting with brothers wasn’t easy for Tom. No one likes getting up to be at a 6 AM study—even Naval officers! But Tom understood the value of that investment.
Over the years, the most common “life-connecting point” for believers has been small group Bible study, either couple’s studies or same-gender studies. Couples’ studies are inherently valuable, but men rarely gain the strength in a couples' study that they get from meeting with other men, simply because they can’t share many of their struggles, like lust or the challenge of trying to love their wives well. Some years ago, a pastor who had a high percentage of his guys in couples' Bible studies was exasperated with the shallowness of what the guys shared at their couples' study. He said, “I want my guys to get together in groups of 2-5 at lunch. Could you write some questions that will get them talking about their spiritual battles?" Here are the current questions, which we named, Check 6 Questions:
- What encouragements or successes have you had this past week?
- What biblical insight or verse from your quiet time has stood out to you recently?
- What has been the most difficult part of being the spiritual leader at home recently?
- Personal accountability: Choose what you want your brother(s) to ask you about?
- Who are the non-believers you are building a relationship with and how can I pray for your strategy to share Christ with them?
- What other spiritual battles can I help you fight through my prayer for you?
(Note: We have found these questions to be an excellent starting point and overall structure. But what matters is the relationship. The questions are like training wheels that give the new relationship stability while it grows deep enough to share spiritual battles and lean on each other for strength and accountability).
In today’s fast-paced world, men find it difficult to give a night a week to a full men’s Bible study, especially if they are already in a couple’s study. But we have seen thousands of men find one hour a week when they can use these questions to connect, but don’t have the time for a full study. Here is a description of this kind of hour-long meeting using the questions as the agenda. It is:
- Not a couple’s group, but a band of brothers.
- Not a two-hour Bible study, but a 60-minute breakfast, lunch, or phone call.
- Not an evening away from your family, but an hour from your workday.
- Not 6-8 guys, but 2-4 guys.
- Not focused on learning but focused on fighting.
- Not a meeting agenda that generates opinion, but a meeting agenda that generates connection as brothers.
Here are some of the ways men are getting connected for 60 minutes over these or similar questions:
- Meeting for breakfast before work. Guys would rather sacrifice sleep than time with their family, but before work doesn’t work in areas with heavy commutes.
- A men’s leader in the Baltimore area tries to meet every new guy in the church for lunch at work and then match him up with other men who work near him.
- In many couple’s studies, guys meet together with the ladies but split up for 50% of the time to use some of the questions and pray for each other.
- Some large churches that have age and stage adult Sunday school classes have a men’s ministry point man in each class who tries to get the guys together during the week using the questions.
- With free long distance, there are pastors who put a weekly phone call into their schedule to connect and pray with an old seminary buddy.
- Some guys meet Sunday mornings before church. Their body clock awakens them early anyway. They meet and get home in time to help get the kids out the door for Sunday school and/or church.
- Some guys who have high school kids who sleep in or are empty nesters meet Saturday mornings (but this time is awful for young husbands and dads)
- Some men’s Bible studies have expanded the prayer request portion of the study and use the questions to help them focus on each other’s battles.
- The favorite is meeting for an hour at lunch weekly. Hundreds, if not thousands, of these groups meet around the country. One church had 23 groups of guys meeting in twos, threes, or fours at Pentagon City, VA.
- A man providing 24-7 care for his wife with Alzheimers asked me how he could forge a brotherhood connection. I said, "I don't know. But I do know that God never intended for a man to fight his spiritual battles alone. So, why not make that a matter of prayer." I saw him again several months later and he came bounding up to me and said that he had asked an old Bible study friend if they could talk by phone once a week but now they are so close they talk almost every day. "That guy is my lifeline," he said.
So, are you being as enriched as you could be to flourish for Christ through connection to some brothers who have your back? What would it cost you to go deeper with some brothers? The cost of time, energy, and determination is high. But the great principle of Christ’s kingdom seems to be that of denying ourselves, because that is the path of life. Whoever loses his life for my sake will find it. We deny self, to love Christ well, filling us with satisfaction. We deny the cries of our aching bodies to work out and feel fit. We overcome our selfishness to love our wives well, and then reap the fruit of her loving response to us (sometimes!) We deny ourselves to save money for a down payment and then enjoy a beautiful home. We deny our right to the freedom to relax when we are off duty at home, to focus on our mission, and know the pleasure of seeing fruit that honors Jesus. And today, the challenge is sucking it up to keep trying to find the brothers you need to run beside you in the race marked out for you by Jesus.
As we’ve seen in this episode, Paul said it in Ephesians 4, the early church lived it, and Jesus modeled it—two are better than one. Stu Weber points out, even nature teaches us that lesson. He writes,
Wildlife biologists tell us that a flock of geese, by flying in a V formation, actually adds at least seventy-one percent more flying range than if each bird were flying on its own. As each bird flaps its wings, it actually creates an updraft for the bird immediately following. Left to itself, the lone goose experiences a drag and resistance that causes it to long for the flock. When the lead bird in the formation tires, it simply rotates back in the wing and another flies the point. Draft horses experience a similar, if earthbound dynamic. Draft horses were made for pulling. Some years ago at a Midwestern county fair the champion animal pulled a sled weighted at 4500 pounds. The second- place animal dragged 4000 pounds. Then someone proposed harnessing the two big fellas together, to see what they could do as a team. Together, they pulled 12,000 pounds! So let me ask the obvious. If our feathered friends know it, and the four-footed beasts experience it, why should we be so slow to learn it? Together is better. Especially when hardship presses in and there’s a tough pull ahead (Locking Arms).
For Further Prayerful Thought:
- How would you explain to a new Christian Paul’s teaching in Ephesians 4:15-16 that Christ followers make a vertical commitment to Christ and a horizontal commitment to other Christians as we together function as Christ’s Body in the world?
- How is Ephesians 4:15-16 consistent with the biblical teaching that iron sharpens iron (Prov 27:17)?
- What do you think is the cost of isolation for Christian men?
