2 Requirements for Helping Teens Resist Gender Theory

This is the 8th episode in our summer series, Meeting the Worldview Challenges in a Broken Culture, in which we repeat past episodes that are vital for men leading their families in 2023. Today’s social media’s broken views of gender and sexuality are rolling across our land right now, in August of 2023 like a tidal wave overturning biblical views they might have had about sexual personhood. In my view, anyone who hopes to have any influence speaking into the lives of our rising generation needs to hear this episode, first about getting a hearing, and second about knowing what is going on in their social media world. Though taped two years ago, it could not be more relevant

Vibrant marriages and healthy families are the result of following God’s design of male and female to have different needs, responsibilities, and callings in the family.

These words came from a veteran Christian counselor who had once been a beat cop on the streets of Miami. I think this counselor is right—which means that today’s Christian men need to be steering the rising generation towards wholeheartedly embracing God’s gender design. But there are two BIG OBSTACLES to getting the rising generation to embrace the biblical worldview concerning gender. This eposidode examines what these to roadblocks are and how to overcome them.

Some years ago, a man named David Kinnaman led Barna Research to conduct an extensive study of what 16-29 year-old OUTSIDERS, (i.e. non-Christians) thought of Christians. Barna gave their sample group ten favorable and ten unfavorable phrases that might be used to describe any religious group--phrases like, friendly, a faith you respect, has good values, or boring, too involved in politics, judgmental. The respondents were then asked, “Please indicate if you think this characteristic describes Christianity.” 91% of this young adult outsider population said antihomosexual accurately describes Christianity; in fact, it was the most distinctive characteristic of Christianity checked off by this group.

Since then, we’ve seen an unparalleled rise in cases of gender dysphoria and those who identify as transgender merging with the gay and lesbian communities in the LGBTQ+ movement. (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Queer). This ascendancy, along with the explosion of cell phone use among teenagers and skyrocketing influence of the social media, make it virtually certain that nine out of ten of our children’s non-Christian friends believe Christians and their churches are anti-LGBTQ+. That matters to your teen. The unsettling idea that their parents and church stand for hatred of this community is happening during the tumultuous years when our child’s job, as an adolescent, is to own his or her own beliefs—to determine which parts of his upbringing to jettison, and which to keep.

A massive obstacle to getting them to embrace the biblical view of gender is, therefore, overcoming deep suspicion that their parents, their church, and biblical teaching are unloving and unfair towards the LGBTQ+ community. For this reason, I believe that it is all but impossible to steer our children and grandchildren into a godly, biblical understanding of sexual personhood unless they first see the love of Christ for those in the LGBTQ+ life lived out in us. So, the first half of today’s podcast is focused on how to love the sexually broken around us as modeled by Jesus at the well of Sychar in Samaria, and put into practice by Pastor Ken Smith and his wife, Floy, in reaching out to a leader in the LGBTQ+  movement, Rosaria Butterfield.

REQUIREMENT 1: LOVING THOSE IN THE LGBTQ+ AROUND US AS JESUS DID

(Jesus) had to pass through Samaria. So He came to a city of Samaria called Sychar, near the parcel of ground that Jacob gave to his son Joseph; and Jacob’s well was there. So Jesus, being wearied from His journey, was sitting thus by the well. It was about the sixth hour. There came a woman of Samaria to draw water. Jesus said to her, “Give Me a drink.” For His disciples had gone away into the city to buy food. Therefore the Samaritan woman said to Him, “How is it that You, being a Jew, ask me for a drink since I am a Samaritan woman?” (For Jews have no dealings with Samaritans.) Jesus answered and said to her, “If you knew the gift of God, and who it is who says to you, ‘Give Me a drink,’ you would have asked Him, and He would have given you living water.” (John 4:4-10).

Jesus’ treatment of this despised, sexually broken outcast is a model for every Christian to follow who has an LGBTQ+ relative, friend, or work associate. Let’s look at three things Jesus does that open her heart to discuss spiritual things.

1. Jesus went out of his way to go into her world. Jesus had to pass through Samaria based on the route Jesus had chosen. But normally, when any reputable Jew wanted to travel from Judea north to Galilee, he would go around the Samaritans who were considered to be unclean half-breeds. They had intermarried with the pagan Assyrians and built a rival temple on Mt. Gerizim. In the eyes of the Jews, Samaritans ranked just below dogs on the social status scale. But Jesus affirmed the worth of the Samaritan woman and her culture by walking among them. He didn’t stay in Jerusalem and demand they clean up their act before He would speak to them. In fact, the incarnation of Christ is the very picture of holiness coming down and bringing God’s love to those the world devalues. Instead of treating homosexuals and the transgendered like lepers, we, if we would be like Jesus, we must take the first step toward friendship with them. Ken Smith a pastor in Syracuse, New York made the same kind of decision—to go into the world of radical, lesbian feminist, Rosaria Butterfield. She had published a critique of Promise Keepers in the local newspaper. In response, Rosaria got lots of both hate and fan mail, which she put into two piles. But Ken’s letter refused categorization. She describes it.

It was a kind and inquiring letter. It encouraged me to explore the kind of questions I admire: How did you arrive at your interpretations. How do you know you are right? Do you believe in God? He didn’t argue with my article; he asked me to explore and defend the propositions that undergirded it. I didn’t know how to respond to Ken’s letter but I found myself reading and rereading it. I didn’t know which box to file this letter in, and so it sat on my desk and haunted me (The Secret Thoughts of An Unlikely Convert, Rosaria, Butterfield) 

2. Jesus took the initiative to speak to her—the first step towards friendship.

Jesus’ request, “Will you give me a drink?” would have been revolutionary and countercultural, treating her with both worth and dignity. In that culture, no self-respecting rabbi would ever speak to a woman in public, much less a Samaritan woman, and one living in sexual brokenness. Even among her own people, the woman probably experienced disapproval and harsh treatment. The fact that she travels to the well during the heat of the day, alone, and without the community of the other women, shows the woman’s marginalized condition. And then Jesus speaks to her. He doesn’t avert his eyes and look away. He doesn’t condemn her. By taking the initiative to speak kindly to the woman, Jesus overcomes social stereotypes and treats her with a level of dignity she probably had never experienced. Similarly, Ken Smith did NOT treat Rosaria Butterfield as if she were an enemy; he reached out to her to pursue friendship. Rosaria continues the story

The letter invited me to call its author to discuss these ideas more fully. It was the kindest letter of opposition that I had ever received. After a week, I called. We had a nice chat on the phone, and Pastor Ken invited me to dinner at his house to explore some of these questions. Before we ended our phone call, almost as an afterthought, Pastor Ken also said that if I was afraid to come to some stranger’s home that he and his wife would meet me at a restaurant. I thought that was very considerate of him—almost chivalrous! (Ibid).

If we are to follow Jesus’ example of reaching to the sexually broken in friendship, we need to pour affirmation, a sense of worth, and a sense of dignity into the souls of our LGBTQ+ friends, as those made in the image off God.

3. Jesus’ request to drink from her cup was a remarkable gesture of friendship.

More astonishing than the fact that Jesus spoke to her was what He said. Jesus asked for her help. His request for a drink from her cup was a striking gesture of friendship. Drinking from a stranger’s cup was just not done in that culture. In every culture, eating together is a sign of friendship and though this was just a mid-day drink of water, she would have interpreted it as a shocking expression of friendship instead of the hostility she expected. According to the tradition of the Jews, drinking from the cup of a Gentile would make Jesus ceremonially unclean. But Jesus did not treat her as if she were unclean. She was clean enough for Holiness Incarnate to put His lips to her cup. Jesus stepped into her world, spoke to her, and drank from her cup. Each act showered this sexually broken woman with God’s love, affirming her value and worth. I wonder if those in the LGBTQ+ world see us doing that?

When Rosaria Butterfield visited Ken and Floy’s home, she started down the pathway to a real friendship with them. She recounts: Ken and Floy did something at the meal that has a long Christian history but has been functionally lost in too many Christian homes. Ken and Floy invited the stranger in—not to scapegoat me but to listen and to learn, and to dialogue. Ken and Floy have a vulnerable and transparent faith. They began a true friendship that Rosaria knew was real.

They were willing to walk the long journey with me in Christian compassion. During our meal, they did not share the gospel with me. After our meal, they did not invite me to church. Because of these glaring omissions to the Christian script as I had come to know it, when the evening ended and Pastor Ken said he wanted to stay in touch, I knew it was truly safe to accept his open hand (Ibid).

Though Jesus only spent a few minutes with the woman at the well, we see that by going into her world, taking the first step of reaching out to her in friendship, and communicating to her a further gesture of friendship, her heart became open to discuss spiritual things. What an awesome example of love Jesus sets. In my view the rising generation of Christians is right when they say: First show me your love for those in the LGBTQ+ world; then explain to me the reasons their views are wrong. Biblically, truth and love belong together. There are just too many imitators of true Christians holding signs that say, “God hates Fags.” We must demonstrate otherwise.

REQUIREMENT 2: DISCERNMENT FROM US ABOUT THE CULTURE’S MESSAGES

Last week I quoted John Stonestreet, the president of the Colson Center for Christian Worldview, who recently remarked, TO NOT HAVE DISCERNMENT IN THIS CULTURE IS TO BE BRAINWASHED. Without discernment, the power of the social media to brainwash teens is like a tidal wave sweeping our Christian children and grandchildren towards devastation in their thinking about gender and sexuality. True agape love for our children and grandchildren in this culture requires giving them DISCERNMENT about what their culture is saying about gender and sexuality. The rest of this podcast is dedicated to helping you understand the graphic being used today by the LGBTQ+ world to promote its view of gender and sexuality. It is called the Gender Unicorn. There is a link in the show notes to this graphic, which is on our website on the store page where my book, Anchoring Your Child to God’s Truth in a Gender Confused Culture is explained.

A group called the Trans Student Educational Resources (TSER) is using this graphic, which they designed, to propagate a fractured, five-category view of sexuality to students around the world. Making the right to choose its highest value, this view of sexual personhood proclaims that every human is free to choose and change all five aspects of his or her sexuality. Those five component parts are sex assigned at birth (the sexual anatomy with which you were born), emotional attraction (which is separated from physical attraction), physical attraction (sexual orientation: same-sex, heterosexual, or bisexual), gender identity (seeing yourself as a man, a woman, or androgynous--gender fluid), gender expression (role): the way you express your gender; adoption of expectations for your gender.

This fractured view of human sexuality permeates the thinking of key influencers in the culture who are shaping the rising generation. The IMPORTANCE OF CHOICE in sexuality is seen on television and on college applications, is discussed in YouTube videos, and promoted in the social media. This view of sexuality may seem more fair and inclusive to our teens, but, in reality, it is damaging to both those inside and outside of the Church. Understanding and following God’s perfect creation design is always the pathway to wholeness. Let’s briefly evaluate the Gender Unicorn worldview from the perspective of Scripture.

A. Worldview Regarding Sex Assigned at Birth (One’s Biological Sex) The Gender Unicorn view denies that physical differences (such as the presence of estrogen, testosterone, or anatomy) have any impact on one’s gender feelings or behavior. According to this view, every individual has the right to determine all five. 1) his/her biology 2) his/her romantic and 3) sexual orientation, 4) his/her gender identity, and 5) his/her gender role—as he or she sees fit. Through the lens of Scripture, however, this attitude sounds suspiciously like Satan’s temptation of Adam and Eve “to be like God” (Gen. 3:5). It is, after all, God, who created each of His image-bearers to be either male or female.When it comes to understanding gender, Christians have something far, far better to offer our culture and children. It is not human disintegration—the splitting apart of one’s biological sex from one’s sexual identity and sexual role, or the separation of gender from emotional attraction. It is an integrated view of body and soul that sees God’s design of male and female to be glorious. Sin has turned both masculinity and femininity toxic, but Christ offers to all his renewing power to live according to his perfect design.

B. Worldview Regarding Separating Sex from Emotional Attraction. Sex, in the gender-fractured view, can be just recreational, having fun, and making each other’s bodies feel good. The separation of physical attraction from emotional attraction in this worldview is dehumanizing and perilous. Separating sex from emotion is at the root of prostitution, sex trafficking, and the endless ways that men have degraded women by sexually exploiting them. In contrast, the biblical view associates sex with intimacy, as the wonderful uniting of two complete beings, body, heart, and soul. Springing from supreme, life-long love in the security of marriage, sex is an expression of total surrender to one who knows you and wants you, body and soul. It is exposing one’s nakedness to another human without the fear of rejection but with the promise of acceptance, love, and the expectation of being unconditionally cherished.

C. Worldview Regarding One’s Sexual Attraction (Orientation) Among Bible-believing Christians, there is no ambiguity about the morality of homosexual sex. Same-sex attraction, like all other forms of sexual brokenness, comes from our fallen, sinful heart. Just as some humans are more susceptible than others to the sin of selfish anger, jealousy, alcohol abuse, or heterosexual lust, others are drawn to the sin of same-sex lust, which, like everything else mentioned, can only come from a heart that is corrupted by sin. Nowhere does the Bible teach that true repentance from same sex attraction will necessarily bring opposite sex attraction. This truth means that Christians who struggle with SSA need our friendship and compassion because being celibate is their only choice.

D. Worldview Regarding One’s Gender Identity. Gender identity matches one’s created birth sex. Our creator did not make a mistake by putting a girl in a boy’s body. God does not separate anatomy from identity. He does not bifurcate a human being into a masculine body and a feminine soul. Scripture further reveals to us that confusing gender identities and behavior is displeasing to God: A woman shall not wear a man’s garment, nor shall a man put on a woman’s cloak, for whoever does these things is an abomination to the LORD your God (Deut. 22:5). As part of the moral law of God, this command seeks to uphold the order of God’s creation. Although Scripture teaches us much about godly manhood and womanhood, Christians ought to be especially concerned about stereotypes—because they deny one of the most foundational truths of Scripture--God’s infinite creativity.

E. Worldview Regarding One’s Gender Role (Expression). Two weeks ago, (season 2 episode #22), we looked at the fall of godly manhood as it is described to us in the first four chapters of Genesis. The biblical worldview on gender roles is that the way male and female are designed differently to fit together to complete each other having different roles (which is called complementarianism), is profoundly important because humans are created to be God’s image bearers. The human uniting of male and female in marriage images God, Himself who exists in the Trinity as three separate Persons (The Father, Son, and Holy Spirit), united in perfect love for one another. As married couples complete one another by exhibiting godly roles in our own households and the household of God we glorify God by showing his image. For Christians the leadership of husband and submission of the wife also have a special significance because we are given the privilege of showing the world Christ’s sacrificial love for his church and the church’s joyful submission to his leadership. 

This critique of the Gender Unicorn is not given here to load our children’s guns with bullets to shoot down the worldview of the LGBTQ+ movement.  To the contrary, it is to fill our children and grandchildren with such trust in the glory of God’s design that they can confidently listen to and love well the gay or transgender person they are reaching out to with the love of Christ.  

For Further Prayerful Thought:

1. Analyze this statement: Christian adults critique of the Gender Unicorn fractured worldview of sexual personhood compared to the awesomeness of God’s design will be heard as anti-LGBTQ+ hostility and rejected unless we are demonstrating real Christ-like love for those who are sexually broken.
2. Where is the analogy of the Samaritan woman (who had 5 husbands and was currently living with a man) compared to those living the LGBTQ+ life a good parallel and not a good parallel?
3. What do you think are the biggest hindrances to Christians reaching out in the friendship of Jesus love to LGBTQ+ folks as we should?