One of the most destructive worldviews shaping western culture at this moment is an ideology that views society through the lens of just two categories of people—the oppressors and the oppressed. This umbrella worldview, called critical theory, dichotomizes society members into the privileged, oppressor group or the victimized, oppressed group. By definition, whites oppress people of color. The rich oppress the poor. Heterosexuals oppress homosexuals. Cisgender people oppress transgender people. Men oppress women. Much of this oppression, for example that of heterosexuals, cisgender people, and men is caused, according to this view, by the structural oppression of patriarchy taught in the Bible. Therefore, making any distinctions between male and female is deemed oppressive and labeled sexist.
In this cultural setting, the Holy Spirit whispers God’s command to Christ-followers, “Do not be conformed to this world.” But are we? I see Christian men and leaders everywhere who are hesitant, tentative, afraid to say that God designed men to lead their homes and churches. I felt like, in one sermon I recently heard on Ephesians 5, (which included Ephesians 5:22, Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord) the pastor spent half the message apologizing for the Word of God. We are so apologetic about God’s created role differences that we seem to think the church needed the invasion of feminism to shed its oppressive patriarchal teaching and get its gender teaching right. But as God commands, we need to stop being conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind. This episode renews our mind about masculinity. It examines the example of Joseph of Nazareth who was not afraid to live his life and love his family in the way God designed him to function—as a MAN.
One of the things I love about Joseph, the man God chose to be the earthly father of his own son, was that Joseph was a man who just did it. No fanfare, no bright lights, no slick talk. Never in the limelight, Joseph is the actor in the Christmas drama who is sort of an afterthought. He was always the one in the background, whom we hardly see, the one who was just an ordinary man trying to make a living and raise a family. In fact, unlike Mary, Zechariah and Elizabeth, whose words reacting to the supernatural events surrounding Jesus’ birth are recorded by Matthew or Luke, there are no words spoken by Joseph recorded in the Bible—just his ACTIONS. That was Joseph.; he was just a worker, a tradesman. Like many Christian men I know, and way before Nike dreamed up the slogan—Joseph just did it. His example has much to teach men. So, let’s bring this background figure out from the shadows and put a spotlight on him to see what we can learn about manhood that will challenge us. Let’s read from Matthew 1.
Now the birth of Jesus Christ took place in this way. When his mother Mary had been betrothed to Joseph, before they came together she was found to be with child from the Holy Spirit. And her husband Joseph, being a just man and unwilling to put her to shame, resolved to divorce her quietly. But as he considered these things an angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream, saying, “Joseph, son of David, do not fear to take Mary as your wife, for that which is conceived in her is from the Holy Spirit. She will bear a son, and you shall call his name Jesus, for he will save his people from their sins”….When Joseph woke from sleep, he did as the angel of the Lord commanded him: he took his wife but knew her not until she had given birth to a son. And he called his name Jesus (vs 18-25).
After the wise men find out where the messiah was to be born the story continues.
And going into the house, they saw the child with Mary his mother, and they fell down and worshiped him. Then, opening their treasures, they offered him gifts, gold and frankincense and myrrh. And being warned in a dream not to return to Herod, they departed to their own country by another way. Now when they had departed, behold, an angel of the Lord appeared to Joseph in a dream and said, “Rise, take the child and his mother, and flee to Egypt, and remain there until I tell you, for Herod is about to search for the child, to destroy him.” And he rose and took the child and his mother by night and departed to Egypt and remained there until the death of Herod….But when Herod died, behold, an angel of the Lord appeared in a dream to Joseph in Egypt, saying, “Rise, take the child and his mother and go to the land of Israel, for those who sought the child's life are dead.” And he rose and took the child and his mother and went to the land of Israel. But when he heard that Archelaus was reigning over Judea in place of his father Herod, he was afraid to go there, and being warned in a dream he withdrew to the district of Galilee (Matt 2:1-22).
Six Lessons From Joseph About Godly Manhood
A. First, notice that God directed Joseph as the leader of his home, not Mary.
- God directed Joseph to follow through on the betrothal and marry Mary.
- God directed Joseph to leave Bethlehem and go to Egypt to escape Herod’s executioners.
- God directed Joseph to bring his family back to Israel from Egypt.
- God directed Joseph when the southern part of Israel was ruled by Herod’s unstable son, to settle in Galilee, which was under the rule of Herod’s safer son.
- Mary did not come to Joseph saying, “God said you are to marry me,” or “God said we must move to Egypt” or “back to Galilee.” It is true that Mary shared equally the dignity of Joseph as the image-bearer of God. Moreover, Mary’s response to the angel, “Behold, I am the servant of the Lord; let it be to me according to your word,” is the ultimate lordship paradigm for all Christians, male and female, as we seek to live out God’s Romans 12:1 command to put our bodies on the altar to him as a living sacrifice. Unquestionably, Mary was a spiritual superstar. Yet, God led her family through Joseph.
As men following Christ, we need to be sure that the current western culture’s resistance to men leading their homes and churches does not weaken our resolve to lead both well. God’s design matters. And its disregard harms our families, churches, and land. God did not create a unisex world. To the contrary, he provides an extended biblical explanation of how differently he created Adam and Eve to be. Although God devotes seven verses in Genesis 1 to the equality of Adam and Eve in dignity as those called to bear God’s image, He then devotes twenty verses in Genesis 2 to revealing how different he designed male and female to be. In David Pawson’s courageous book, Leadership is Male, he writes,
There are real differences between men and women both in their nature and in their relationships, which are rooted in the original creation and will be permanent features of a healthy society. Any attempt to obliterate these distinctions, even in the name of equality, whether through legal or social pressure, will, in the long term damage our humanity….A unisex society is contrary to divine creation, not just Hebrew tradition.
B. Our second observation from Joseph’s life is that he was a “just” man. The word, DIKAIOSUNE—is the same word that is used in Jesus’ command, “Seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness”. It refers to one whose life is characterized by obedience to God’s moral law. Joseph and Mary appear to be part of the faithful remnant of Israel that put into practice the teachings of the Torah. For example, forty days after Jesus’ birth, they went into the temple in Jerusalem to make the burnt offering and sin offering required for the purification of the mother after the birth of her first born, a son. We also know that it was the habit of Joseph’s family to make an annual pilgrimage to Jerusalem to celebrate Passover (Luke 2:41). Most importantly, we know that it was in the family led by Joseph, that Jesus “grew in wisdom and in stature and in favor with God and men.” Jesus, being truly human, Scripture says grew in wisdom. So, Scripture reveals that Joseph was leading his home and following the example of Abraham the father of his faith, about whom God had said, For I have chosen him, that he may command his children and his household after him to keep the way of the Lord by doing righteousness and justice, so that the Lord may bring to Abraham what he has promised him. (Gen 18:19).
Incidentally, we discover a little more about Joseph’s parenting approach in Luke 2:42ff, which records an incident from Jesus’ boyhood. When he (Jesus) was twelve years old, they went up according to custom. And when the feast was ended, as they were returning, the boy Jesus stayed behind in Jerusalem. His parents did not know it, but supposing him to be in the group they went a day's journey, but then they began to search for him among their relatives and acquaintances, and when they did not find him, they returned to Jerusalem, searching for him. After three days they found him in the temple, sitting among the teachers, listening to them and asking them questions.
When you read this story, you probably think, as I do, “How does a twelve-year-old get separated from his family and the parents don’t realize it for three days? Admittedly, in our culture we have little understanding of such annual pilgrimages that were far more like extended family reunions than car or plane rides. Nevertheless, the independence Mary and Joseph gave Jesus at age twelve is striking. Ok, he was a perfect kid! But still, Jesus had to learn wisdom and obedience. The kind of independence shown by twelve-year-old Jesus had to be earned by being responsible. One of the foundational principles of parenting is teaching responsibility, which is the opposite of the victim mentality being promoted by critical theory in our culture today. Here are a few tips from my favorite parenting specialists: One of the hallmarks of maturity is taking responsibility for one’s own life, desires and problems. If we show up late for work, we don’t blame the freeway. If we want to advance in our career, we take courses. If we are angry, then we deal with whatever made us angry rather than waiting for others to soothe our feelings. (Boundaries With Kids, Cloud and Townsend).
Let’s return to Matthew’s description of Joseph as a just man. Joseph, being a just man and unwilling to put her to shame, resolved to divorce her quietly. It is interesting that in Matthew’s mind there were two sides to being a just man.
One might think that Matthew’s description of Joseph as a “just” man would have led to intolerance of her sexual sin. And Mary’s apparent sexual immorality did lead Joseph, because of his biblical moral standards, to break off his engagement to a woman of such questionable moral character. Yet, being just (righteous) in Matthew’s mind also describes a man who, because of his love for Mary, did not want to expose her to shame, and possible execution as an adulteress, so he resolved to divorce her quietly. This happened before Joseph knew what had happened. Joseph would have felt deeply wronged and disgraced by Mary’s seeming disloyalty to him. He could have said to their friends “Don’t accuse me of getting her pregnant! While away at Zechariah and Elizabeth’s she played the whore and got pregnant. She deserves to be stoned.” But he did not. His righteous, just character reminds us that true righteousness is expressed in love.
C. The third characteristic of Joseph was his outstanding immediate obedience to God’s prompting. After the first angelic visit we read, WHEN JOSEPH WOKE FROM SLEEP, he did as the angel of the Lord commanded him (Matt 1:24). No delay, no excuses, no argument. He immediately obeyed. When an angel visited him a second time, telling him to get up and go to Egypt, we read, And he rose and took the child and his mother by night and departed to Egypt. Again, the language implies immediate obedience—he woke Mary up and left right away. In the third angelic visit, Joseph is again commanded to get up and go. Again, we read, And he rose and took the child and his mother and went to the land of Israel. What an example Joseph is to all men of immediate obedience!
Notice also that Joseph’s obedience to God protected his family--from the slaughter of Jesus by Herod or his son Archelaus. Men, every time we choose to obey God, we are choosing to benefit our families. It is our wife and kids who benefit most when we resist lust and channel our sexual desires only towards our wives. It is our families who benefit from controlling our anger instead of yielding to it and ripping into our loved ones. It is our families who benefit from our discipline of praying often for their spiritual battles. David gives God’s striking promise to those who surrender to God’s lordship; our families benefit enormously. The steadfast love of the Lord is from everlasting to everlasting on those who fear him, and his righteousness to children's children, to those who keep his covenant and remember to do his commandments (Ps 103:17-18).
D. Joseph also demonstrated the courage to take the world’s disdain. Although he and Mary knew she was pregnant through the Holy Spirit, if he obeyed God and married her, everyone would know that the child was born sooner than nine months after the marriage. So, either they had sex before marriage, or she had been unfaithful to him while visiting her relative Elizabeth. In either case, in their shame-based society, they would be scorned, excluded, and rejected. By saying, “Yes,” to God, they are choosing to be scorned, second class citizens forever in their small town. Obeying God meant kissing his stellar reputation good-bye.
What is the application for us? If you want Jesus in your life, it means having the courage to take the disdain of the world. Can you imagine Joseph trying to explain why his fiancée is pregnant? “Oh, I can explain. This angel told me she is pregnant by the Holy Spirit.” This is, of course, is an extreme example, but it helps us see a truth stated by Paul to the Corinthians. The natural person does not accept the things of the Spirit of God, for they are folly to him, and he is not able to understand them because they are spiritually discerned (1 Cor 2:14). We will never gain the approval of the secular world; they can’t see the value of what we stand for. Joseph chose to value the approval of God, rather than the approval of men. He challenges Christian men to have the same courage.
E. Joseph’s plans are continually disrupted by God; but Joseph doggedly remains obedient. Joseph is probably just trying to be a faithful tradesman, looking forward to his upcoming marriage to Mary, raising a family in Nazareth, and expecting to take over his father, Jacob’s trade as a craftsman. But then Mary’s pregnancy and the angel come crashing into his quiet life. First, he has to move up his wedding date, then he’s got to figure out how to get Mary who is eight and a half months pregnant ninety miles south to Bethlehem. It appears that they began their new family in Bethlehem instead of returning to Nazareth, but before Jesus even reached his second birthday, Joseph has to pick up his family and travel a hundred miles or so south to Egypt. Then, when God says to return to Israel, Joseph disrupts his life again but walks right into another dangerous situation. He ends up in a land governed by the former Herod’s son, Archelaus, who has shown himself to be as cruel as his father, is now ruling the southern part of Israel—Idumea, Judah, and Samaria. Having obeyed God, Joseph finds himself between a rock and a hard place. Joseph is like Moses who obeyed God and led the people out of Egypt only to end up with the Red Sea to his east and Pharoh’s army bearing down on them from the west. Both had carefully obeyed the Lord but found themselves in impossible situations. But God delivers them both.
God rarely makes our path easy. Joseph’s story jolts us into remembering a truth about being a Christ-follower that parallels one of the sayings of the Navy Seals: "The only easy day was yesterday." Joseph’s message to us today would be, “If you want an easy, comfortable, safe, life—don’t surrender your will to Yahweh.” He would advise, “Don’t get angry because God allows your plans to be disrupted, your hopes to be dashed, or your expectations to be crushed. Don’t demand that God make your life easy as a Christ’s follower.” We live out our commitment to Christ in the midst of a raging battle in which we are constantly under siege by our own sinful nature, by the temptations of the Evil one, and by the results of evil reigning in parts of the culture that defies justice and biblical truth. No one ever said it was easy to follow Jesus; but nothing is more soul-satisfying.
F. Our sixth observation about Joseph is that he experienced God’s astonishing provision for his and his family’s needs. Providing for our families is part of Adam’s calling in Genesis 2 when he is given the responsibility to cultivate (avad) the garden. At times, men are frustrated with our inability to provide financially as we would like to. It is noteworthy that Joseph and Mary were poor. The offering they made forty days after Jesus’ birth, was either “two turtledoves or two young pigeons” (Lk 2:23), which was the sacrifice option for those who were too poor to offer a lamb. In a world where there was no “paid leave,” Joseph was also disrupted from making a living for his family numerous times: because of the travel south for the census starting a new job in Bethlehem, moving to Egypt and seeking a job he could do when he didn’t even know the language, and eventually moving back to start over again in Nazareth. In the midst of this challenge to provide for his family including the travel costs, Joseph saw Jehovah Jireh (a name for God which means, the LORD will provide) at work. Shortly before having to flee with Jesus and Mary to Egypt as refugees, God sent the Magi to give valuable gifts to Jesus—gold, frankincense, and myrrh. Jehovah Jireh provided all that Joseph would need to travel to Egypt and care for his family while he found work or started a business to put food on their table. I think Joseph’s message to us today, would be, “When God calls you to do something, don’t ever doubt that he will give you all you need to obey his call.”
Our final observation about Joseph is that, in all likelihood, he died early. If he was 18 when betrothed to Mary, (a distinct possibility) he did not make it out of his forties. By the time Jesus began his ministry, at age 30, Joseph had faded completely from the story. That was just like Joseph. No fanfare, no bright lights, no slick talk; he was just an ordinary guy. The kind of man God uses. Like many Christian men I know, Joseph just did it. Let’s ask God to help us learn from his example.
For Further Prayerful Thought:
1. Which of the 6 characteristics of Joseph do you most admire?
2. Which of the 6 characteristics of Joseph do you think required the most spiritual might?
3. Which of the 6 characteristics of Joseph do you most want to remember?
